Life of secrets
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2023-01-30 06:03:21 (UTC)


6am on a Monday morning and I’ve run out of gas. Most mornings I stick my leg out far enough from the bed for my toe to touch the radiator, to check if it’s hot or not. This morning it was not. Therefore I know we have run out. It never lasts long anymore. Can’t wait for the winter to be over.

The sale is still going through nicely. But this is just the beginning. I can’t see why anything would go wrong at this point but you never know! I didn’t think anything would go wrong last time either!

I had distant reiki done on my husband and the last two days he’s wanted to have sex, which is unheard of if you go by the last 3 months. My reiki healer worked on his libido… and everything else. Frank the hamster had a session also. He is definitely a lot calmer with me now. Although life is still quite scary for the little guy.

I am having reiki today, myself.

I went to church last week. Somehow I was roped into going on my own. My husband was getting ready to go and I’d spent the whole day hoping something would happen so we didn’t have to go…. And in the last minute before needing to leave he told me his trousers no longer fit him and I’d have to go alone. Me, not confident enough to confess that I do not want to go at all right now. In fact I want nothing to do with any of it, went anyway.

I was late, because of him, and had to sit at the back. Alone. And the people I thought would say hello, did not. I felt so alone- a reminder of why I actually don’t like going to church. As soon as we said amen at the end, I left. I don’t want to do it again.

Once we move, I cannot wait to go to another church. I feel like I need to get away from these people. Like M and A… the PERFECT couple. In fact, where I sat at church, she was right in my line of sight. She sat cooing and smiling at her kids, literally the whole time. I don’t mean to be rude but her children are not cute. But she’s just one of THOSE mums. And her life has been absolutely perfect. I do not lie. She’s had everything handed to her on a golden plate. She knows no troubles. Stupid bitch. I’m so jealous. But also can’t stand her because she’s boastful. I hate people who have it all and also boast about it. Perhaps it’s just them I want to get away from. Imagine moving to a different area because of one couple….

Sadly, her husband is my husbands best friend.

I have been up since 4,30am. My husband was having sleep terrors and I had to wake him, then I couldn’t get back to sleep. So here we are. I’m going to attempt the gym this morning. I’m staring my diet again, for the 5th time this month.