Moctimore

Can't not draw

I have changed my outlook a lot over the years of growing up. But one thing remained with me, I remained true to myself and my convictions. When I was about 12 years old, probably my parents began to explain to me that honesty is bad, that you need to deceive and do everything for your own benefit in order to survive in this world. I was so mad at them because at a younger age I was taught completely different, and when I asked about it, they only said that the world is cruel and you should be cruel too. I abandoned these beliefs and remained true to those that were instilled in me as a child, honesty, dignity and sensuality. Throughout my teenage years, I fought with them about this. I am ready to accept that the world is cruel, yes it is absolutely true, but I am ready to fight hardships and cruelty, I am not afraid and I care.
I can not call myself brave, I would even say that I am cowardly and prudent, but I understand that the levels of responsibility and situations where cowardice is the most vile thing you can do and you will never forgive yourself for being cowardly at such moments.
I'm drawing again, but not what I would like. But what should. It is difficult or perhaps even impossible to explain such moments. As if the universe is throwing a split energy spear at your head and your mouth and eyes are flooded with light, and if you don’t draw it right now, that energy will simply tear you apart.