justaplaceformythoughts

justaplaceformythoughts
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2023-01-25 02:42:17 (UTC)

I snapped today

January 24th, 2023: Today I broke something because I snapped. Thankfully no one else was around to hear it break. It was one of my things. I kind of just sat there afterwards thinking about what I just did. I cried afterwards. Sometimes I get so mad and I just feel like I have to let it out. I should probably work on it but I'm not sure how to. I would never snap in public though. Come to think of it I've probably only ever really snapped twice that I can think of. Once a little while ago (last week I think) and once today. Although I've certainly dealt with anger a lot over the past few months. I told myself I was going to be at least somewhat productive today, but I really wasn't. There still is time left in the day so maybe I'll still clean some of my room like I was going to do. I also spent some time with family today (immediate family), which was pretty nice I guess. Though something I've realized is that a lot of the time when this happens I realize, or remember how messed up I am. I guess it's because seeing everyone else around me act "normal" reminds me of how screwed up I really am.

I still need to find a job. I need to keep looking. I also keep telling myself that I'll look for jobs online, but can only seem to make myself do it sometimes. I'm just lazy I guess. I've been thinking a fair bit about claw machines lately. I used to love them as a kid but grew out of them as I got older. I also started watching an old claw machine YouTuber that I used to watch a few days ago. I got inspired to go out to my local ingles and play the claw machine. I would like to film a YT video, maybe a $10 challenge or something. The problem is I don't have a license. I have an appointment (I guess that's what you call it) scheduled soon though so that's a step in the right direction. Once I get my license I would like to go to some stores and an arcade near me and record some YouTube videos. I still would like to be a YouTuber some day even though I don't really know what to make videos about. Maybe I should be a claw machine/arcade game YouTuber.

Anyway, I'm going to probably play some more Red Alert 2 here in a bit. I love that game. I've been playing it more recently. Then maybe I'll clean my room a little. I also received an envelope that I'm not sure what's in it. My dad gave it to me. It says it's from my grandmother who passed away about a month ago. So yeah, I'll open that sometimes before I go to sleep. I usually go to sleep between 12 and 2. Usually. That's about it.

-Finished writing at 10:03 pm


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