Bruce
BDW's recovery from Parental Abuse
The Three C's
Part of the epiphany that I had, is summarized by the "Three C's", regarding the child abuse, alcoholism, BPD/Bi Polar manic rages and the continuing issues with my parents at the center of a hurricane of chaos.
The Three C's
* I didn't cause it
* I cannot control it/them
* I cannot cure them or their problems
Once I accepted these three profound truths, it allowed me to be able to detach and begin a process of healing the trauma I have endured for near fifty years.
I was conceived and born to an irresponsible teenager, I was not the cause and had no control.
My mother divorced my father, I was not the cause and had no control.
My mother married my stepfather, who she was warned was an alcoholic with temper issues, I was not the cause and had no control.
My mother is emotionally immature, I was not the cause, I have no control and I cannot cure her.
My stepfather drank and was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, I was not the cause, have no control and cannot cure his addiction and behaviors.
My mother has diagnosed personality disorders and had/has manic rages, I am not the cause, I have no control and cannot cure her demons.
My mother and stepfather constantly argue and fight. I am not the cause, I have no control and I cannot cure them.
My mother and stepfather disregard their health, creating ever increasing debility. I am not the cause, I have no control and I cannot cure them of their bad choices.
What I can do:
I can choose to engage or not engage with them and their continued behaviors. I am the cause of my decision, I have control, I can cure my exposure to them.
I can be accountable for my own shortcomings, behavior, the effect of the trauma and work on healing. I am the cause of my actions, I have control, I can find a cure to my issues.
I can repent of the things I have done to hurt others. I am the cause to change, I am in control of seeking forgiveness, I can implement the cure to build better relationships with my wife and children.
I can admit that I cannot become a better person on my own, that I need the help of others. I am the cause to find healing, I am in control of following through and I will seek to cure my own demons.
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