Lilac lavendar2

Dear Chad,

Happy Birthday sweet baby boy! Today you would have been 30, instead of forever 22. I miss you so much I can't even begin to tell you how much. While this is your 8th birthday with Jesus, it's my first without 'numbing the pain'...and let me tell you there is a lot of pain. I'm not making excuses, but yeah I am, I can see why I took the norco, honestly this pain isn't for the weak. It took me an hour and a half to pull myself together this morning when I first woke up, I haven't had an anxiety attack in a long ass time, but this morning there it was. I am so sad, so mad, so blessed, so stressed, so many different emotions right now. But, I did it, I let it all out and got through it.

Now, that I have walked through the pain and came out the other side, right now at this moment, my anxieties are at a 3, so I am growing ;)

Yesterday, I spent the day with your sister, we actually had a pajama party in the living room last night, well I ditched her and went to bed but she won't know because I was up before her. We talked about you a lot yesterday, wondering what you would look like now, what you would be doing, stuff like that. We both miss you and will never forget you ever.

Well happy birthday baby, all my love, mom