Subtropical Lady

Where Pelicans Fly
2023-01-17 13:13:29 (UTC)

Stay Out of My Dreams!

Had trouble falling asleep last night and didn’t sleep as long or as soundly so I’m not as refreshed today.

Yesterday was another hungry day yet despite all I ate, I’m still the same weight as yesterday. Just wish I knew what was making me so hungry at times! I’ve researched and researched, yet I don’t have any of the conditions that usually bring about hunger. I guess my body just felt it needed to eat that much for whatever reason just like it feels it needs to weigh what it weighs, too much or not. I can’t remember everything I had, but I remember a peach parfait, veggies, a banana, an apple, 3 chicken wings, potatoes, Vienna’s, a cup of noodle soup, a regular candy bar, hot chocolate, and coffee. If I’m remembering everything, sitting back and looking at everything I ate, it doesn’t seem as extreme as it felt. Most of the stuff could pass for meals, sides, and a snack in between. I was active for about 45 minutes, too.

The gallbastard has been mildly annoying today and yesterday. Yesterday, I was considering taking something for it but it didn’t quite get that bad. We got some foods recommended for it, and it does seem that it likes beets because that dulled the cramping. Still, the 30th can’t come fast enough! I just want to know what’s going on and whether or not I’m going to get any real help for this and how long it will take.

My blood sugar was 106 when I got up. Not nearly as bad as 125 but still pre-diabetic.

They’re working on something a few houses down across the street. I hope it’s nothing I can hear in here. So far so good save for some door-slamming. They’ve been doing a lot of work over there. Ugh, now I hear hammering.

I hate it when I can’t understand my own notes. In between entries, I take notes as things cross my mind to write about yet I don’t know what the hell “flag” means. What flag??? Argh!

There are 8 people in the world I could never forgive. My mother, my sister, two nieces, my mother-in-law, the two freeloading bitches that lived next to us in Phoenix, and the judge that wouldn’t do the right thing and say, “Hey, maybe she shouldn’t have written what she wrote and maybe some of it was mean, but she didn’t actually DO anything. Suck it up, move on, and let us deal with the real criminals.”

If it were suddenly legal and she magically appeared before my eyes, she’s the only one of those 8 people I would seriously consider torturing and killing. She’s the one that showed up in my dreams last night. Fortunately, the black bitch doesn’t do it very often.

In the dream, Tom and I lived in a huge apartment building on an upper floor. The corridor was very long with about 20 apartments on each side. We were about a third of the way down the corridor. The bitch was about 5 doors further down on our side. She lived alone in a studio. She had a company hire me to clean her place every week or so at a time when she would be out. When I was called for the job, I knew who she was but took it because I also knew we would never see each other.

After cleaning her place for months, for whatever reason, she decided she didn’t need my services anymore, according to my “boss.”

I don’t know how big our place was but her place was small. You entered a medium-sized room where there was a living area set up in front and a bed was in back by the windows. There was a kitchen and a bathroom to the right with the kitchen being in front and next to the living area.

On the last day of cleaning for her, I decided to leave a note on a blank card. I wrote something to the effect of, “Hello, it’s me, Jodi. I’ve been your housekeeper and I’ve known all along who you are. So why did I decide to take the job in that case? Well, because I not only live in the building and found it convenient, but I also needed the money. Lastly, I can get over the past and move on. I’ve treated you the same as any customer, always doing my best and being thorough. Take care.”

I placed the note on her kitchen counter and then, believe it or not, fell asleep on her bed. I awoke in a panic, telling myself to hurry up and get the fuck out of there before she returned. I jumped into my slides and quickly darted down to our place.

Not long after getting back into our place, I heard her shouting angrily. She’d obviously returned in red the note. She was knocking on door after door trying to find out where I lived. Tom and I wouldn’t open the door when she knocked on ours. I didn’t want any confrontations that may turn violent and I liked the idea of her guessing where I was and trying to find me.

In real life, I don’t know if she would try to find me like that but she would certainly be furious. Also, I would never clean her place or do shit for her, and what she did to my husband and me is something one never “gets over.” Maybe some people can but I just don’t move on from that sort of thing. Throwing her in a story and killing her was beneficial in a way that it did help curb some of my anger and will be published in the future, but still, if she came knocking on my real-life door…

I just remembered what “flag” meant. If I’d added the word “argument” after it, I wouldn’t have gotten confused. Well, I swear I’m embarrassed for some people at times with the way they act like children. In the park group, someone posted a picture of what they thought was a flag that was either thrown by someone’s house or that had blown up against it. Turned out it was really a blanket, but still. Many people chimed in with how it was such a disgusting disgrace to the flag and all this crap. I was thinking, OMG, It’s a fucking object, people! A non-animate material thing. Not a living, breathing thing with any kind of awareness. Regardless of what it may symbolize, people put too much value on material things. My wedding band is very important to me, but it’s still an object and it would suck but not be the end of the world if I ever lost it. But these folks acted like it was such a huge sin that somehow affected them personally and in such a detrimental way. I wanted to share my two cents anonymously, but they disabled anonymous posting. It’s probably a good thing I stayed out of it anyway. Like those running the group wouldn’t have revealed my identity to some people?

Starting tomorrow, I’m waiting 45 minutes after my med and before coffee. Hopefully, I’ll still feel this good when March gets here!

I just circled the block. I was out for about 8 minutes. Although I didn’t feel as out of breath as yesterday and the sun wasn’t quite as bright (although still very bright), this time I wore my Fitbit and my heart peaked at 170! It dropped really fast, though. Anyway, it’s a beautiful day out there. I would be totally blinded without tinted glasses. I don’t know why my eyes are so sensitive to bright light. My only guess is that I’m indoors a lot. I didn’t start noticing this until Arizona. But then he’s indoors a lot too, so maybe that’s not it. I wonder if I could have mild lupus since I do have some of the symptoms and one is sensitivity to bright light. LOL, Tom doesn’t think so, though, and said we should add parental controls to my devices.

Okay, after working on this entry on and off for 2.5 hours, I should probably edit and post it now.


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