Diary of me
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Fear and hate
Watching people who fall into the abyss of madness trying to overtake one another is hard. To watch how people, for the sake of their convictions, give up their humanity and actually flash before our eyes like sulfur on a match and then slowly burn out and go out alone, filled with fear and paranoia. Is when you are quite educated and erudite, don't you think about what will happen next? Only the most stupid can live one day, lady luck allows it, those who have the mind are forbidden to live one day, this leads to irreversible consequences, sometimes frightening even those who have nerves like steel or ashes.
When you want to harm someone, you doom yourself to terrible things. I don't know why but it usually works. You can't tell a dozen people to wipe someone out in a fit of hatred and envy and expect everything to go right. I will torture you as much as I want because I can and you deserve it. Oddly enough, I always tell the truth, to everyone. I don't lie about myself, it doesn't make any sense, they can talk to me endlessly and I will always tell them the truth. You and all of them are just a bunch of Americans living on their own dream island with no idea how the world works around them. Just like children. You are just a collection of racist, chauvinist and conventional stereotypes. History is always a war blah blah, art works according to some strict rules blah blah, a person must necessarily belong to a certain political force blah blah, America is the richest blah blah. I would really give anything for such an apparatus that can transfer the consciousness of one person into another person and in any period of life. If for all of them the difficulty is simply to remember that I, for example, am a recent emigrant, they would have their brains poured out of their ears from what I saw and what I spoke with people. Let him learn Russian, it's always good to learn something new and keep yourself busy, and the more false information he receives from the Russian-speaking space in sociology and history, the better for me. I have never felt at home in my country, and even more so here. I would just live anywhere in Greenland at the lighthouse, the main thing is that I would have the Internet. My mind is my home and this fortress will stand until my head is broken by the physicals and I have to drink liquid puree from a pipe and piss in a bedpan.
I don't need money, I don't need fame, I don't need to feel like I'm part of something big. I go forward and I lead those who are ready to accept me and my vision, I won’t persuade anyone, I don’t argue with anyone, I do what I need, if they help me, I thank people with what I can, if someone doesn’t ready to go with me, I will not persuade, there is no point and I always see when a person is ready and when not. He's not the only one who keeps a close eye on me. There are many of these people. I don't know whether they're doing it with malicious intent or with good intentions, but they clearly need something from me. Some secret knowledge? Tips for doing things? I would teach them empathy. Real, when you feel pain and joy as if you are one with another person, people have learned to lie even with their emotions, and I always feel when another person lies with their emotions. And it's just disgusting. I'm not talking about the emission of emotions, but emotions that are caused by imposed prejudices, such as how a person who comes to church and listens to choral singing feels some kind of purification, although in fact it works like a toilet bowl drain, pouring shit into the unknown, so as not to feel like a bad person.