Pillar of Light

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2023-01-15 23:45:50 (UTC)

The buried past

My energy is really low again, and I don’t know why.
I was doing good all week.
Been drinking smoothies with collagen, and doing yoga and meditation.
Once the weekend came I was so beat.

I don’t think I wrote much about him, but there is this old friend that I left behind. Haven’t seen him since I left my career in NY.
He just keeps popping into my head and in my dreams lately. So I sent him a DM. He said he misses me too and thinks about me all the time.
We had a thing, but we never had sex. What we had was very different, like a true connection.
We met for breakfast, lunch, and after work drinks almost every day. We talked about everything, and we’re so comfortable.
Only way I can describe is when I think of him and miss him, it’s really painful. I always wanted him to stay in my life even if we never became lovers.

Anyway I told him I am planning to move to Florida and he was sad. He said that now it will be impossible to see each other.

Maybe this whole thing got me feeling down today. I tend to try to bury my feelings but I know it really is bothering me. The things you can’t do anything about, or don’t want to face.

I have this great thing going on with Gavin and I love him. Meanwhile I haven’t even told him I want to move, and I am fine with letting him go. That’s the crazy thing.