A lifetime of pain and healing
Ad 2:
2023-01-14 20:27:13 (UTC)

I haven't made an entry in ..

I haven't made an entry in a while. I just haven't had the energy. I'm feeling increasingly isolated and definitely feeling like people don't want me around. I think to myself I know these feelings will pass and that I don't actually feel this way. I am level headed enough to realize that I guess. I found out just how toxic my work places are and that they are abusive so that doesn't help either. They stressed the importance of mental health and then when we have something going on they tell us to get over it and have now incorporated a punishment for negativity of any kind. Which is the dumbest shit ever because that just promotes people to hold in everything and put a fake smile on. Most of the people I work with have depression and anxiety so I wonder how well that's going to hold up. I thought about checking myself in somewhere just to get a break from the world but I don't want that on my record. So I've gotten the idea of just turning my phone off and staying in my room. It's about the same as checking in somewhere. I don't think its too severe but like I also feel like I don't want to deal with much more. My mom and her drama, and my brothers and their drama and then work just being abusive and toxic as hell. I don't really have an escape from all of it. I'm not feeling suicidal before anyone freaks out. I just want to have some peace. The issue is finding a way to have that peace and keep my life together. Plus it's winter time. The most depressing time of year. It's cold and cloudy most days along with snow and rain. We got hit with a 500 dollar light bill too. So I turned my heat off for this storm in hopes I won't get an astronomical bill next time. Oh and to chip in a coworker got screamed at it made him cry because the supervisor was just brutal and then he was told he's not allowed to cry at work or he could be written up. That's how extreme they are. Like in all the places I've worked I have never heard a supervisor tell someone they would be punished for crying. I mean dude was crying silently not like hysterical so I don't know where they get off telling someone they can't cry. . about like telling everyone they can't be depressed.