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Starting over
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2023-01-13 00:38:46 (UTC)

Anxieties

Ok I have always had high anxieties even as a child, for no reason I can think of. I had a wonderful childhood, wonderful parents, great family..it's just the way I am wired. As a child I 'diggled' a lot, what that means is as a young, very young girl I discovered that by pressing 'my magical bean' I could have amazing feelings. My mom thought something was wrong with me and took me to the doctor's, 'she does this all the time what is wrong with her?' The doctor said I was completely normal, just when stress comes around, this calms me and helps me out. I had found a way to self soothe, stress out? diggle mad? diggle happy? diggle....way of life.

Well apparently 'masterbation or diggling' was not acceptable for a young girl, so I was made to feel like I was bad for it, but I still did it, all the time. Just did it in private (kind of like my norco addiction) they knew though, haha my mom would come into my room, my face would be all flushed and she just knew. I don't have to be naked or anything like that, just press on my magical bean through my pants and I am good to go.

Since this year alone, I have no less than 15 times a day pressed my magical bean. I don't feel anxious, just super super super super super horny. It's not like I'm not getting sex all the time I am, Mike is doing everything he can to help me with this feeling, but like he says 'he isn't superman' haha.

Last night I could barely sleep, I am wondering if something is wrong with me right now, like why now? is it because the norco calmed my anxieties? I don't know, I'm not complaining, it's a good feeling. I got up last night since I couldn't sleep, since my brain is insane once it gets a thought going

am I addicted to orgasms now, did that replace the norco?????
what the fuck????

It's not bad for you, actually quite healthy for you, I did a lot of research last night. It gets the blood flowing, heart pumping (almost like exercising which is something I did say I would start this year, so there's that) it releases stress, releases endorphins, serotonin, dopamine

So looks like I have a healthy new addiction ;)

Now, of course there is the dark side of all this.......

what if, just what if, something is off in my soul, like something just isn't sitting right with me and I am over looking it or rug sweeping it, what if I can say something really doesn't bother me, but it does, it does in my soul.

can that change? or is this what the whole sudden anxiety overtaking me is???

God please just give my soul some rest, I am getting wore out~


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