Notes of Consciousness

I haven’t come across the type ..

I haven’t come across this type of human behavior that this would be classified as
On google

But it’s the behavior of wanting to tell someone an idea that quickly materializes in the mind

Or to get the urge to write the idea down

But I realized why I get so frustrated losing at chess

And it’s not because of being constantly defeated: I expect to lose

But it’s because I’m not learning the theories of the game with every loss : I’m strictly passive and expect my brain to do all the work behind the scenes while my feelings get trampled on

And this translates to my real life

Sure I get frustrated losing all the time

And I’ve come to expect to lose at life

But I think the reason why I’m not so frustrated with losing at life is because I feel that I’m learning theories to my life with every moment of defeat

On the other hand
I can think in this way and feel this way while sitting in the comfort of my own brain isolated from the rest of the world

I’m terrified of other real life brains and their theories

They’re the origin to my defeat

Is unification and reconciliation possible within a lifetime

I hate that I have to look up to something that I don’t know

I hate that I have to look down to something I never knew

Mixed up words
Garbled selves
Lost mind
Fake me
False I
Unlearned brain
Misinterpretation of self
Dead in a body of motion