Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2023-01-08 15:09:13 (UTC)

124 days

You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

I am honestly so impressed with my high number of 124 days norco free, if I am honest with myself. I never saw myself without it. I wanted to stop, I tried to stop, but was unable to on my own

While the last quarter of 2022 was a big fucked up mess

2023 has started with a clear head so it was all worth it.

Now the only difference I can tell is my high increase of anxieties. Nothing in particular just a huge ball of fire in my crotch, not sure why but that's where I always carry my anxieties and the only way to release them is orgasm. Maybe it's not anxieties maybe I just have a super high sex drive I don't know but I'm thinking about getting a pair of those vibrating panties just to have relief throughout the day.

Mike said he will vibrate my panties for me but I can't put him in my pocket and take him to work with me.

I don't know how to get rid of this, do i need anxiety meds?

Down side to this problem is that Mike just got put on some medication that the side effect is decreased sex drive...well it's a good thing that he has mastered the art of foreplay then.

I remember in rehab there was this lady who was a chronic masterbater, I wish I would have talked to her more, maybe she carried her anxieties there too. She didn't give no fucks. She would rub one out during group, kind of weird, at least go to another room. In private I guess

I don't know all I know is that I am a big ass horn dog right now, I could do it all day everyday.

There was some action last night finally, slow year so far but I guess that's cause we are still 'separated'

I'm not sure how I still feel about all this still. Can we save this? Can we get past betrayal? Can we ever trust again?

I am having issues trusting him 100% not sure if it's all the anxieties, or just not being certain we are 100% , does that make sense?

I don't know how this will all work out, I'm just taking it day by day. Last night he went and picked up us dinner from a gift card he got for Christmas. I don't want to sound ungrateful but my feelings did get hurt a little. He had told me that he got a gift card and wanted to take me out on a date (when I finally made the decision to leave he said this) so he didn't take me out he just got take out. So yeah my feelings were a little hurt. I asked if he wanted me to go with him to get it and he said no.

What about our date? I didn't say anything. Didn't want to be 'dramatic' but yeah it hurt a little

I need to learn not to be so sensitive