The lonely codependent

Addicted to you no more
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2023-01-07 17:57:26 (UTC)

A walk in the village

I feel like my precious time is going into waste. All the years I've spent condemned to solitude... never having a close friend, not even when I was at school. I don't even have the right to decide about my life anymore. I need at least 5-10 years of being in a relationship with freedom and new experiences to decide if I want to have my own family, but by the time I get there it will probably be too late anyway so it's very likely that I'll choose the childfree lifestyle. So-so-so much time going into waste! While I should be exploring the world around me, I'm sitting here alone again, back to square one.

Today I somehow ended up in a small village close to the border between my country and another one. So I launched my step counter, because I need to lose weight - one of the worst feelings in the world is feeling that you may never be attractive enough or good enough for a long-term relationship - and started exploring the area. Everything was so calm, I wish I could have stayed longer. On the way back to my town the lights and the skies were beautiful. It was a good day after all and this year has been so much better so far than I expected.

I'm not dead so I must live. I'll never let life pass by me, never! Even though I still don't know what the reason is why I deserve this.

'Who best
Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.'
(John Milton)

Let's see what God's plan is with this situation, I'm more than curious! Although I'm still angry with him for making me wait for nothing...