The lonely codependent

Here we go again

After two of the people closest to me left the country last year, I am here again alone with nobody to talk to. Meanwhile I'd already started seeing a therapist to help me get rid of my codependency. I am tired of sleeping around with the wrong guys, but waiting for a miracle to happen is also hard if all you can see around you is loneliness and you get more and more afraid of missing out on something as time passes.

Today I had a doctor's appointment. He suggested that I should not go off birth-control, which I had been planning to do, so now I have mixed feelings. I should definitely not keep doing what I did in the past and I am proud of myself for being healthy and finally a more responsible person. However, this also feels like an open door. It's like I'm keeping the door open for a miracle that I don't really believe in anymore - a long-term relationship.

So, new year, new me, good luck to me on not going crazy this time...