Evolving marriage
2023-01-04 16:17:16 (UTC)

The Ocean

Dear Diary,
IM getting ready to head to my hometown, Figures the time I plan to do this its going to rain for 2 days and now there are wind advisories for the coast line, my fave drive! So Im going a different route that is boring and nowhere cool to stop to avoid that. Will get my hair cut today by my gf (shes been cutting my hair for around 15 yrs?? And Ive gone to her despite moving to 2 diff states and her having a time out with breast cancer and her husband dying. Yeah and did I mention we were friends in Jr High? So yeah we have seen a lot in our lives and come together and catch up. Also hoping to see my oldest son, hes out of town today working but maybe tomm. IM staying at my oldest childhood guy pals house for 2 nites, he wont be there much, working out of town tomm but leaves me the key and I get the guest room. So its nice to have somewhere to go to and with someone who feels like home and is comfortable (since I cant go "HOME" anymore to my parents home)

Ill visit friends while Im in town also.

So husband and I are at the ocean for the month of January. He also started officially his first day yesterday at the new job, so hes working remote upstairs in the bedroom and has to be up at 6am Ca time to start work, so its quite the adjustment.

We left on Friday, stopped in Vegas, and just before we left, a friend sent me an enneagram quiz, and I did it, And it was like a bunch of stuff became evident and glaring to me, then I had husband take it and then his results, WOA, we listened to videos on the drive together and all the things that have been issues and arguments were explained, things made sense. Most sense its made since learning he was aspie.

Hmm so hes not a cold self centered jerk after all? (Hes a 5) and Me? I thrive off constant connection and fear being unloved and unvaluable... Oh yeah... I can see it all.

Anyways, that caused long talks, and heavy connection (which I love!) And by the time we got to Vegas for our first night and our cute little airbnb, we had sex and passed out early, I woke up in the middle of the night and came after him again and then we both passed out again. It was fun, hot and sexy with lots of sexy talk. We got up in the am and Im so glad I had a cold food bag of our groceries since we had a full kitchen, I was able to make eggs and bacon and all the good stuff for breakfast and we didnt have to go out.

Then we got to Ocean and had a nice New Years eve dinner, drinks, I had rack of lamb, he filet mignon, so yeah we splurged! Was so good. And got to our house, it was raining most of the day, and we got in, unpacked, put everything away, got comfortable, he put on music, the mood lights, and we had an edible, and we danced, talked, and had more fun hot sex together and then I passed out again.

I slept more in the first few days here then I have in a long time, MOS! I mean since sometime before AUgust?

I dont even know. I have slept so much, gone to bed early and wake up for a bit then sleep more

Ive had walks each day on the board walk for miles, breathing the ocean air, I went hiking yesterday on top of that several miles in the mountains and it was beautiful. I had one of my fave places to eat and I was just so happy, its a little hippie joint and the vibe is awesome and hubby and I sat at the bar having our breakfast. I love being here! It makes me so happy. Everything is so green from all the rain, so beautiful! Just hope it stops soon! Last yr it rained the first 3 wks of our trip here, I moved the date up this time, its still gonna be lots of rain this wk, but I at least got the first few days in and got out and some sunshine! So hopefully it will pass soon!

So the connection husband and I have made has been important. It was needed. I was feeling pretty negative about us prior to the enneagram and this trip and concerned how things were going to go, but then its like things got turned upside down, for the better.

I also got an email from my Army guy friend, hes going to be out here middle of Jan! Holy crap, having seen him in over 10 yrs and our timing never lines up to be in the same states, but this time we will be, spoke to him briefly yesterday and we are going to try and meet up, hes on a work assignment but has a few afternoons he can visit outside of that. Wow, wont that be cool to see him!!!!

So yeah, this trip is always about seeing people, friends, family places, the central coast, the ocean, my happy place and my son.

My youngest son, he went on the attack again on text messages, he can be so mean and cruel, I had to block him again. Its hard (drugs, alcohol) and all the world is to blame and anything positive you have in your life or ever shared with him? He will rip it to shreds, its really cruel and I hate that he does this, goes after me, where I live, job, my husband, his job, our home, what we do in life, you name it, then he attacks things from childhood and says the most messed up stuff and then even has threats towards me... but then tells me how much he loves me and misses me??? So its so much of a mind fuck and I have to block him, its so toxic and sad.

Pray for him please that he would get clean. My husband said "He has the most amazing timing" as its usually when we are on a trip, the first day and doing something amazing he starts up. Like clockwork,

Pray I have a safe drive today in rain and winds....