Slowly descending into madness
2023-01-04 03:10:15 (UTC)

Love me, hug me, squeeze me to death

"Everyone in your circle literally loves you to their heart content,
Always behave, mix up & communicate in the sweetest way possible"

These are words of a friend of mine. May I never forget them. May I never think I'm alone. May I never forget the cold night of 15th in Rangamati when I broke down by a road and refused to go to my room and my friend talked sense into me for 1.5 hours, what time was it? It was 2:30 am. I can be crazy, I can be difficult, I can be sad but I always have someone near me whenever I reach out. May I never forget the night when we were out on the beach, we were crying but we had each other's back. I was down on my knees but I had someone to hold me, I was crying I was screaming I don’t deserve this kind of treatment (from Penguin, who else :)) and they always held me. Whatever I am, I am never alone.

God is cruel, he did a nasty little thing to women. Every fucking month, I want to yeet myself during my cycle and before my cycle. It's 3:16. I'm crying because I deserve better. I deserve better and he did me so nasty. I deserve better and I can't move on.

Please dear God, help me.

The difference between him and me is, if he ever told me he deserves better, I would be better for him, for us. And he's a piece of shit he would never even try for my sake. আমি মরে গেলেও ওর বিন্দুমাত্র যায় আসে না!