2023-01-02 02:55:12 (UTC)


Surfactant: The lungs' natural "lube" which helps the lungs expand and contract, without friction.
Too much of it sucks because you get phlegm and wet coughs. Too little of it sucks because oxygen is dry and burns your lungs.
So the lungs lube it up, helps us breathe easier. Which has not been the case for me because I keep inhaling whatever product is not air.
I wish I could say my lungs have learned to like it rough. I may have grown more tolerant but my lungs certainly haven't.

Spent the New Years in a gay night club in Miami, after learning that Insomnia Cookies was closed.
Completely, utterly devastated and betrayed by their decision to be closed for New Years. What nonsense.
We made up for it by ordering a ton of sugary and salty chips and cookies off Gopuff. Miracle app.
The days are so warm here, and the sun is always out. I know it has definitely altered my energy in ways I can't understand, and I know it's affected my husband too. We're suddenly night owls and loving being up late, with a ton of junk food and take-out like the early days.
But it is harder to get him off his phone these days. And I thought I had the dopamine struggles.

The anger in me is finally starting to dissipate. My mom called and she also wished me Happy New Year.
She's the only one consistently trying to reach out. I told my husband about the invite but he's been zoned out.
I'm sure he's not thinking about my family rn. I don't blame him.

I ate so much junk. I have to start making use of my gym membership and saving money for the summer. My job application was denied because another candidate was chosen. All this time I spend getting angry about denials I could be using to learn coding and AWS. I guess I realized that I can be depressed and angry, and use those feelings to channel into something productive. But being productive is motherfucking hard. And being an adult is a scam. I hate it and I hate capitalism. But my anger? Dissipating for sure.

Signing off. Until next time.