Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2023-01-01 01:30:54 (UTC)

End of 2022

Well I always thought 2020 would go down as the worse year ever, then came 2022....BAM, end of life as I knew it

I can't really do a recap of the whole 2022 because according to Mike I was nothing but a drugged up worthless blob on the couch, so from January to September 6th guess that was the recap (he says I was so drugged up but yet he didn't know until 9-7-22 but yeah I just was a worthless druggie loser)

The final quarter of the year was a hot mess. My life was blown up, my drug addiction was exposed, I got help, spent like 5-6 weeks in rehab and am now 116 days norco free! Mike moved out for a night, said he made a mistake and came home. That same day my daughter's dog killed my baby boy cat, I ended up in the hospital for 5 days for infection from trying to save my baby. My parents both had major surgeries, both are doing good. My marriage has been iffy off and on since he found out I betrayed him with drugs

He won't do marriage counseling
he doesn't need counseling
he doesn't have any issues
anything he did wrong is complete because I was a drugged out loser, not his fault at all
he just wants his space
like time apart just solves everything

I have been wanting this marriage to work so bad, I have overlooked so many things and honestly don't give a fuck about the past. I just can't do this anymore I seriously can't.

I paid my half of the rent and Kim paid hers, but I told him I am leaving, I can't stay here anymore. He doesn't want me that is so fucking obvious to me. I am just getting a 1 bedroom somewhere, I want to go back closer to my parents, the further from him the better. I just need to get past all this and just start over new I guess

I betrayed him and he can't get past it, we spent 7 hours at the hospital yesterday. His MS is getting worse and now he is having a gall bladder attack, of course this too is all my fault.

Everything is my fault, I am the great goddess of all that is fucked up.

It took me a lot to come to this decision to leave, because it's final if I leave. I can't live not knowing what the fuck is going on, sorry I just can't. I can't do this anymore, he doesn't want to fix this, if he did then we be getting counseling or something...we are doing nothing.

I told him I was leaving, then he started talking about the bills, I was like this is a mute point, we aren't splitting the bills after I leave and I am leaving this month (January), he got pissed off and said 'this is how you are you can just turn it off just like that"

I'm not sure what the fuck that was about. I have been clear that I want this marriage, he has given me nothing, nothing at all

there is no more hope...

oh yeah this morning he was talking to me like I was fucking stupid (trigger I guess) so I said I will pay it on time bitch

he called me a CUNT

biggest red flag I ever saw in this relationship, I am causing him to become someone he isn't

so I am getting the fuck out before I completely ruin him

So, while 2022 wasn't the best year of my life, I am clean and open and honest now so there's that~

2023 is going to be my year, I feel like I am about to bloom~

I am turning the page, my favorite love story has truly come to an end and I am so broken right now, but this too shall pass, after all I am tough and resourceful!