Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-12-30 12:13:25 (UTC)

too sensitive

Last night Mike was going to the bedroom to bed, I was following right behind him. The dog came running into the room and jumped on the bed, I said 'no one invited you Reese', then Mike said in a pissy tone 'no one invited you either'. I didn't say anything, just grabbed my phone charger and left the room, he said where are you going? I just said you told me I wasn't invited so I am leaving.

I mean I take him at his word. Then he makes a random diary post "so over the attitude" I asked him what attitude? he said 'you said I wasn't so I repeated to you. God grow some ears" I responded 'you need to grow some ears I said Reese wasn't invited" I grabbed my charger and went back into the bedroom. It was a simple misunderstanding. I told him I wasn't giving him attitude, he just hurt my feelings when he said I wasn't invited (I have been super emotional since the holidays, normal I think) He told me I am too sensitive, duh. He was pissed that I just came back in the room like everything was ok, it was we had a misunderstanding. You heard me wrong and I took what you said back personally. I didn't give any attitude, didn't slam any doors I just left, I was sad, feeling unloved and unwanted. I had asked him if he wanted to watch a movie or do something with me, earlier in the night, he didn't of course not.

I wanted to talk about us, where we are heading if it's in the right direction, does he see it? WE NEED TO TALK

He said 'nothings changed' wtf????? I'm not doing drugs so that is a huge change all by itself. Norco didn't make me into someone different it just masked all the pain that's all. I asked him if he wanted to try to make this work or no, he said he was trying to sleep, noting he was just on his phone, so yeah he just didn't want to answer me. I asked him again and he didn't answer, so yeah silence is very telling. He thinks that if I can get all that from silence then it's on me.

I just rolled over and bawled. Then I just got up and came out to the couch.

I can't do this anymore, I can't stay with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I can't put on a smile and pretend I am happy when he doesn't even pay me no attention at all. I am sad, all I want to do is cry, why can't I fix this? I don't cry all the time around Mike, don't want to be the sad person always down. It's there, depression is right there. I would rather remove myself from this situation then to let myself go down the depression hole.

I just text him if he wants to be with me or not, he responded 'I need the stress to go away my symptoms are getting worse can't deal with it

what the fuck does that mean?

when he came back (right before the cat/dog incident) he said he made a mistake leaving and that he wanted to come home and focus on us and his work and that was it. Other than making love there has been no try at making a connection with me at all.

this just sucks big dick

I don't want to start all over with someone else but I don't want to be alone the rest of my life either.

I need someone to love me not look down on me or judge me, that's not healthy for anyone

He used to think the world of me, now I am barely a thought