Lilac lavendar2

blame

I wasn't blaming my marriage problems to anything related to online. I wasn't saying, look at us, we met online, married and 10 years later we are fucked up so it doesn't work. I'm sorry if I gave anyone that impression.

My marriage is in the air strictly because I am a recovering addict. I hid (which means lies, betrayal, stealing) my norco use from everyone, which happens in normal marriages that meet first in real life not online. So yeah I wasn't saying that they don't work, I was just advising that there will be a lot of emotions they can't possibly think of right now because they are in the 'cloud' of love.

Now that I am 'clear' from my self induced brain fog, I can see the damage we did. Well I knew it, I just stuffed it down on top of all the other shit I was stuffing down.

Mike said his kids were the only ones that suffered because of us, that his marriage was over regardless of the paperwork. Ok, but not once, but twice I helped you pack up and sent you back home to your wife so you could try to make your marriage work. Twice, yeah no we fucked her up too. Regardless if it was a crappy marriage, remember I had one before, even though I was the one who left it still sucked and took me a long ass time to get over it. It's a loss, a death of sort, a way of life is now over.

I have worked through it all now, thank God. Guilt and shame are the absolute worst feelings in the world

If you fell down yesterday....stand up today!