A lady in the crowd
2022-12-28 04:58:07 (UTC)

Things I'm Grateful For

Lately, I've been doing my best to be a glass-is-half-full type of person. Not much is guaranteed in life, but one thing is for sure, things are constantly changing. I've always been a pessimist at heart, but in my mind, it's just me being realistic. So instead of writing another rant where I complain, this entry will have a more upbeat tone.
1. My grandma is turning 70 tomorrow, and I wouldn't be the woman I am today without the person who raised me. I made a reservation for her birthday dinner, and her son, who was in Kuwait the past year, is joining us for dinner.
2. I survived Accutane, which helped me get rid of my acne. It's a miracle drug and was worth all the side effects of taking it for six months.
3. I became a regular at a med spa and got laser sessions to remove my acne scars. My body dysmorphia got severe, and I caved into the pressure and got chin filler. I bruised so badly that my entire chin turned dark purple, and boy it was painful. Then I had a health scare because I had jaw pain and thought it was a reaction from the filler. I decided I am never going through that shit again.
4. My boyfriend Dakota and I had a vacation at Lake Tahoe. We rented a cabin and enjoyed our time in the woods. We hiked, kayaked, and drove through a scenic drive (despite my fear of heights).
5. The little things. Dakota doesn't have an attitude whenever I ask for help. He's a handyman who helps my family with house projects, like he built a fireplace/TV stand for us last night. It's beautiful and keeps us warm in the winter.
6. I traveled to Cancun. I had a lot of anxiety about driving after I was rear-ended on the freeway earlier this year. So driving alone for four hours to get to Mexicali was terrifying. Then I got a rental in Cancun and drove in a foreign country for two weeks. People drove crazy there but going through that eased my nerves and helped me get back to normal.
7. My health. I don't take it for granted, and I'm blessed to be in remission from Ovarian cancer for the past five years. I still get regular check-ups and am fortunate enough to have good health insurance. It makes all the difference; meanwhile, having the death plan of Nevada means you have to jump through a million hoops to see a specialist.
8. I paid off my car.
9. I finally got my Pablo tattoo covered up. For those who are new, Pablo is my ex-fiancee. I got half a sleeve and am happy with my ink. Many of my coworkers at work have tattoos, and everyone has been accepting so far.
10. I got to catch up with some old friends in San Diego. We've all been busy with work and were still able to find time to meet up.
11. I'm putting my phone down and not mindlessly scrolling on social media. I'm convinced that's why I'm not as anxious anymore. I remind myself that people only post glamour shots, and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'm trying not to compare myself to others. Remember that everyone is in their own lane, and it's not a competition. The less screen time, the better!
12. Being present and actively listening to my patients at the clinic. I've been building better connections with people, and one of my patients even gave me her famous zucchini bread recipe.
13. I work with a physician who is a gem! It's nice working with a great doctor who makes time fly. I recently got a promotion at work but was underpaid for it. Anyway, he's been sending emails to my bosses. It got pushback, but we are still trying, and we had a meeting with one of them who said they've seen management fight for higher wages, which has worked in the past. Fingers crossed.
14. I've been learning to cook and exploring many new recipes. Learning how to cook from scratch makes you work for a delicious meal. I bought a tortilla maker and a molcajete; trust me, it's a game changer. I also made homemade stuffing, which was 100% worth the extra steps.
15. I have been going to the gym a lot more this year and have reached my goal weight of 130 lbs. I've been bulking for the past couple of months. I gained 15 pounds and had to buy new jeans. Not fitting into clothes I've had for years made me uncomfortable, but this was part of the end goal. I've always been deemed too skinny by society. People were always comfortable making comments about how I looked malnourished, how I should eat a burger, and the list goes on and on. I haven't gotten any remarks since I hit my target weight and most importantly, I'm happy in my own skin.
16. Nerf-gun fights with my five-year-old niece Mila. We gifted her first nerf-gun for Christmas and have been having a blast. Seeing how excited children get opening gifts is the best part of Christmas. Their eyes light up with joy, and it's priceless.
17. The days where I allow myself to sleep in. The times when I give my body the time to rest and recover from a rough day, a draining workout, and just lay down and do nothing.
18. Being alive.