rotten

29

i * d o n ' t * k n o w * a b o u t * f i n e * b u t * i ' m * f e e l i n g * t w e n t y n i n e
it's been quite a day. rn i should be packing and leaving for christmas, but i'm so tired i just wanna crawl under my weighed blanket and sleep forever. idk if i should skip the whole idea of driving to my parents' today, and just go tomorrow. that'd make up for quite a long day though, but i really don't wanna drive when i'm this tired. there's nothing worse than almost falling asleep behind the wheel - that shit's scary as hell and i never wanna experience it again. we'll see what happens when i start to pack, something might kick in that makes me be ok to drive... we'll see. anywayz.

yesterday i promised to try and be at the paja at 10 to help with baking - if you can call 'joulutorttu' making baking (hey rhyme!), lol. but i actually was there at 10, i even made it to the same bus with the person i went to help out. the whole day was filled with congratulations, and like always, it felt a bit weird. have i mentioned i don't particularly enjoy being the center of the attention? m remembered it was my birthday (because it's exactly 6 months from her DOG's birthday hahah) and she was in a kinda weird & manic mood so she ended up mentioning my birthday a bunch of times during the paja day. the funniest moment was when everyone sang to santa (who o dressed up as - and it was hilarious. that guy's ability to waffle on and on is seriously impressive and the role was perfect for him) and after a few out-of-tune & fumbling verses of 'joulupukki, joulupukki' this one guy decided to start singing 'happy birthday' to jesus - you know, as a joke - and like half the people thought they were singing to me, so my name was mixed in with jesus's and oh britney. it was mega awkward but also just reaally really funny. another ones of my fave congrats included the adorable voice note t sent me the second the clock struck 00.00, and when j (senior, lol) messaged me "hey my x, the healthiest and wholesomest relationship i've had in years, i wish you the happiest of birthdays!" i actually laughed out at that one. he added "idk what that says about me but y'know" and i replied with "well, at least it was delightful for me to hear".

the morning went by with everyone being taken over by the mini sized joulutorttus i made - it's interesting how often something that's a 'basic' in my books manages to startle others. everyone agreed they were superior compared to the regular sized ones though, sooo perhaps i changed their joulutorttu-life for good, haha! after we were done with those i spent a long time on the couches just drinking coffee, until we began decorating gingerbread cookies. my patience didn't last long though, i think i decorated four cookies? but i showed the others how to fold a baking sheet into a piping bag so they could make thinner lines, and many were excited about that, so at least i made myself and my studied profession somewhat useful. as i mentioned before, o being santa was hilarious, and the 'present machine/automat' was fun. there was a list of little hints with number tags attatched to them and you'd make a choice, take the number tag and place it into a cardboard box with a black curtain behind it, and then they played some doctor snuggles noises while a present would mysteriously appear in the box. i got a set of battery-powered twinkly lights (the hint was "warm light"). the weirdest, most out-of-tune christmas carol sing-a-long session ever also took place at one point, but that's something i'd rather not reminisce... i'm not even a musician but bad singing is just so darn painful to listen to.

this one person made - or more like: tried to make - rice porridge, and i mean. why volunteer to do something you cannot do? my attempt (that succeeded) at saving it allowed me to hang out with s one-on-one though, and it became a a restorative experience as it was perhaps the first time i managed to behave somewhat normally around him, so. i probably shouldn't complain, but rather be grateful about others being inept lol. s was more social today than usually, maybe because it was the last day before the holidays and a few weeks break, idk. but it was nice, and thankfully i wasn't as big of a dork as i've been until now... i think discussing this 'crush' with mk may have helped somehow. maybe it has turned it into a more neutral issue? s opting to sit very close to me on the couch when we started to watch a movie didn't help with that though, but luckily i lost my spot when a videocalled me with the kids - and i was leaving to go to m's for coffee and cake anyway. the cake was really good and i got to wrap some of her presents, which was nice since i myself didn't buy any this year. she had gotten me a present from the christmas market (christmas coffee with cinnamon & hazelnut and a jar of cinnamon & chocolate covered almonds) and was lovely in every way, as per usual. i took the bus home and well, here i am. i'm starting to feel like it might actually be possible for me to pack my things and drive to my mum's, i don't need to pack a lot of things after all. just the dog food bag and the yoghurts, some cozy clothes, the hyacinth...

so weird that yet another year has gone by, and i'm still here. with only one more year left to accomplish things 'before thirty'. not that there are many things i'd want to 'accomplish' - i just wish i'd find some way to manage. my everyday life, my non-existent finances, maybe make some future plans? i guess it would be nice to have plans. i think i'll go pack before i accidentally drive myself insane reflecting on this weird ass life. until next time!