Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-12-23 14:31:28 (UTC)

this is so true and I'm so sorry

Someone sent me this today:

Their world opens up
while ours closes down
They connect with their emotions
while we are trapped in an emotional rollercoaster
They learn to overcome past trauma
while we grapple with the new trauma they gave us
They learn to empower their triggers
while we gain new triggers
They learn to see the world in a new way
while we are left seeing the world through their drug addiction lens
She thinks I saved her, as if I was the hero
but really I was a sacrifice

this touched my soul, and broke my heart. So true, I fucked up, I got to go away and get all the therapy and help I needed, trust me if they felt I needed more time I would have stayed, I wanted this fixed for good. I dealt with all of the past shit and trauma I went through, dealt with all the feelings I had been covering inside deep. I did come home just honestly expecting everything to be better because I was better, I really didn't get the whole depth of what I put Mike through. I'm so so so so so sorry babe, honestly.

He was left hanging, scrambling around trying to get me health insurance, worrying about me, blaming himself for not seeing this. When he did try to get help from the pastor he said 'don't worry about yourself, she needs you right now more than anything' so yeah he kind of got fucked by me, then fucked by everyone else. so again, I'm sorry, not that words make it better. He is alone, well he is a Godly man so he knows he isn't really alone, but you know what I mean.

I just hope his heart heals fast because I hate to see him stressed out