Lilac lavendar2

107 days

Never lose hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring~

So tonight starts the big snow storm of the century, I think we hear this every year, could this be the real storm of the century? We are planning on not working tomorrow if it does come, also postponing Christmas a week if it comes. No big deal to me I would rather be home safe then out driving in crap. We already cancelled all deliveries for tomorrow and called the drivers in early today so they can be done before the storm hits.

I work in payroll/HR so my job isn't really that important, I mean no one is going to go without meds if I don't go in. I did wait until the last minute to go shopping so I have to go tonight after work, like I said I am getting gift cards, so a quick trip to rite aid should do it.

My dad is doing so good, he was able to do a load of laundry then he transferred it to the dryer, just couldn't carry it up the stairs, so all I had to do was bring the load up and help my mom fold it, I also ran their garbage out. They are set for the storm, they have all their supplies they need. I still have crab meat, shrimp and half a bag of meatballs. There has been so much wonderful food lately. This lady at work made me lasagna the other day, Monday we had 2 different types of meatballs at work, Mike brought me home meatloaf and mac and cheese from the market down the street where he works. So I should be all set here. I still have some fun dip left thanks to Robin hood, I don't eat the powder just the sticks, they are so plain but so good to me. I go in stages of candy addiction, was Mike N Ikes, then Nerds, now fun dips, sometimes candy cigarettes, jelly beans (only a certain brand 50 flavors). The only food addiction I have allowed past the 21 days (before it becomes a habit) was for some reason the first year after Chad's death I ate a bag of cracker jacks every morning, Monday-Friday at work, for a year. Not sure the reasoning, it wasn't like it was his favorite or any reason like that. Things that make you go hmmmm

I am going to have to take control of the candy though before they say you can't have sugar anymore, so worried about the salt so I have cut that down. My biggest fear, while some people's fear might be hearing the words 'you have cancer, or some other disease' mine is 'you can't have salt anymore' ugh I feel like I would just die. I know I am dramatic but I love salt. So in 2023 I will be focusing on my health so that I am around for a long time to be able to help others, now that I have a purpose. Still not exactly sure what I am going to do, but I know that this is what I am supposed to do. It's a win win, by helping others with addiction, it also helps me keep on the straight and narrow.

I haven't had any weak moments and no temptations or desire to use norco, I feel like it's so far in the past that this isn't a thing anymore. But I am not stupid, I won't let my guard down. I know it's still there lurking in the shadows waiting patiently for the right moment, the one moment of sadness where I don't feel like I can take anymore. Yep I am guarded against that little fucker for sure.

One thing I have noticed, why is it the people who do everything/the most for everybody else have such a hard time asking for/accepting help?

Like for example my dad, he feels bad asking people to drive him to physical therapy because then someone has to wait in the car for an hour. I was like would you do it for so and so, and he said yes, exactly my point

let people help you

let people love you

we aren't meant to struggle alone