Life of secrets
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2022-12-21 19:45:32 (UTC)


We didn’t go to church tonight. My husband got what I had. He’s not really sick, but he’s not well enough to go. I kind of wanted him to be sick so we didn’t have to go. But also want him to be well because I need him to have sex with me in a few days when I’m ovulating. Heh.

My mental health suffers when it comes to church. And it should be the other way round. It should help me. But it doesn’t. I want it to, though.

Our house search is currently over until the new year. I doubt many houses will be advertised and the estate agents are closing down until the new year. I can’t wait until January now, to see what kind of houses will come up. I want to find my home. My obsession over trying for a baby, is now shared with finding a house.

I am extremely bloated today, from these fertility meds. Also because I’m over eating and getting bigger. It’s comfort eating. I’ve stopped working out. I’ve stopped a lot of things. Everything feels like too much effort. I’m sure I’m depressed.

In the new year, I will join the gym and eat healthy. I mean it. I want to be me again. Nothing is me right now. Not even how I look.