Life of secrets
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2022-12-21 08:21:12 (UTC)


I literally just wrote a whole entry and accidentally pressed delete draft. I can’t explain how pissed off I am right now!

Now I’ll have to sum up what I said…

Yesterday we cancelled a viewing. It was my husbands friend who finally convinced him to cancel. He basically said everything I had said, but in “man terms” I guess. It’s the only thing I can think was any different. The house was non standard construction which I’ve decided I don’t want to go for because they don’t go up in value. And it was in an area with rubbish signal. I also don’t think our offer will be chosen for the other house so I guess our search continues into the new year. Probably for the best. House prices should come down in the New Year and we’ll have more of a choice.

My “friends” grandmother died this morning. She messaged me and I’ve messaged some relatively comforting things. And then sort of, leaned her towards her husband. I mean, since he’s suddenly so great now, he should be supportive right ? I don’t feel comfortable supporting her when she has no real interest in my life. And she’s so quick to slag off my husband, even when I say something nice. For example, I could say that he cooked for me this morning her response would be “omg he must want something from you, what a dick! Is this the first time he’s cooked for you in 5 months!? He’s an asshole! Don’t fall for it, what a wanker!” And I’ll be sitting there, looking at my phone and looking at him, completely confused. Whereas, her husband was apparently abusive and stopped her from talking to me for 10 years and now he’s great. Ok. So if he’s so great, he can support her through this.

I had a long distance reiki session yesterday. I actually enjoyed it. Of course, I spoke about my journey to creating a human life. At what age do people stop saying “oh you’ve got plenty of time!” Because at 36, I really don’t feel like it….

But anyway she told me I’ve got emotional and mental blocks that are delaying conception. At this point, I’ve got nothing to lose by doing what she said. Which was to be grateful for what I have now. At first she talked to me about the law of attraction and I said I’ve tried all of that. I was very positive when I first started trying to conceive. I truly believed I was extremely fertile and I’d get pregnant quickly. A year later, that began to dwindle. Two years later, after hope constantly turned into disappointment, I stopped manifesting because I’m too scared to feel that disappointment again. So she told me to be in the moment whenever I start thinking about not conceiving. To be thankful for my life, for my husband, for being able to see, walk, hear etc… and to say thank you for making me fertile. She said to just say it and put it out there. She told me that she removed the blocks. I did feel good afterwards. We will see….

I can’t remember what else I wrote about in my original deleted entry so I’ll leave it here. The day hasn’t started yet, so I’m going to go and get ready for it. Which means, walking upstairs to my office and staring at the screen.