Lilac lavendar2

So apparently

Someone broke into our house last night and instead of stealing stuff they only brought stuff I love. Like a whole box of fun dip, coke you get the idea. I immediately thanked Mike and he was like I didn't do it so then I asked my daughter and she didn't do it. I know it was Mike, who also brought me home a bowl of his famous chili since I forgot to grab a bowl before he took it to work, he says it must have been like a Robin hood type robbery. He says he loves me, he shows me in a hundred ways a day he does, he isn't going to leave me or he would have already.

I just have to keep getting out of bed every day and doing what I am doing and that's focusing on being the best version of me I can for all of us.

We are slowly getting it. We are more playful in our conversations, which we are kind of having them now, kind of. There was some manipulation last night, which was all him, I honestly just rolled over to go to sleep ;) I am not complaining at all, trust me. That is the kind of manipulation I can get behind

This morning he asked me to fill out his paperwork and mail in for his doctor appointment coming up. So I was asking him questions on it and he told me to make it up. So when he goes for his first appointment the doctors going to think he is a fucked up mess because I answered the questions how I would. I didn't really but when they asked his sex I said the best ever haha. Again kidding, not about him being the best ever but putting that answer down.

This morning when he was leaving he did it again where he started to lean in to kiss me goodbye but again caught himself, I did call him out on it though and just told him to go for it he knows he wants to...but he didn't.

I swear he is punishing me but that's cool, it's all good. I woke up this morning In a different mind frame. Yesterday I got fucked up in a rabbit hole of the other side of this whole thing. I was/have been trying to figure out all the shit my betrayal has done to Mike so since he won't talk to me I went on like al anon sites, but immediately it turned to cheating and while I never cheated Mike feels I cheated on him with drugs. All the feedback was horrible and lead me to a very dark place. Leave him/her once a cheater always a cheater, liars, pieces of shit, better off alone. So yeah I became an insecure 13 year old teenager

I'm not a bad person, wife, mother I just fucked up, granted I fucked up big time, but I am human. I have a honest to God good genuine heart, I love deeply and wholly and I will never take Mike for granted again.

I am 100% in love with him