Life of secrets
2022-12-19 20:05:15 (UTC)


Ugh. Predications are now changing to June next year. Makes me wonder, am I doing something that is delaying the process ? I don’t know what though.

I’ve tried everything. Literally. I’ve fought for this so hard, and nothing has come of it. Ive done the typical ovulation testing every month (for 2 years) including my own home progesterone tests, after ovulation. I’ve done saliva hormone testing for two months where I had to spit in a bottle every morning and even had to wake up at 3am on one of those days, to do a spit sample (yuck). I’ve had an HSG done to check my tubes (which were fine, btw). I’ve had numerous blood tests. I’ve had scans of my ovaries and uterus. Each time I’d leave thinking, why was I so worried? There’s never any problems! I’m fine!

I’ve spent over £2000 on fertility tests and medications. I did home sperm tests. I’ve self inseminated. I’ve self inseminated AND then made myself orgasm silently in the bathroom with my legs up because I read it can help (it didn’t). I’ve gone to probably over 200 psychics. No predictions have come to pass, apart from the ones who said I wouldn’t conceive. I’ve now had a fertility spell cast on me lol. I’ve prayed. I did the going to God stuff - as far as I can tell, nothing changed

I’ve decided now…. I’m going to finish off the medicated cycles. So I’ve got this one and two more, which takes me to the end of feb. If I’m not pregnant by then, I’m giving myself a break until June. And I want it to be a proper break. Like, not bothering at all.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s him. What if he’s completely infertile ? What do I do then?

Maybe I’m not meant to have kids ? Maybe this is it?

The closer I get to 2023, the worse I feel.