Subtropical Lady

Crazy Feelings and People

Although I’m still tired, I’m starting to perk up emotionally a little bit. It definitely seems to be more of a problem toward the middle of my day. As my docs know, I’ve begun cutting the hydroxyzine in half because of the way it makes me drowsy. I told them that children’s melatonin seems to help more with sleep and they said that’s OK to take. Meanwhile, unless it blows up my stomach beforehand, it can take the Saint John's wort a few weeks to be beneficial.

My biggest fear right now is that I can’t be helped. I just wonder because of all the celebrities that have taken their lives. If they were so fixable, why did Robin Williams, Kate Spade, Naomi Judd, and others kill themselves? I just want my sanity back and not to be so tired all the time!

If this is more on the menopause than the thyroid medication, what if I’m permanently left this way and there’s no medication to fix me? Is it possible that my body can never adjust to the lack of estrogen? I don’t understand why I haven’t gotten used to the medication if that’s it, or why my hormones haven’t settled in yet if that’s it. I’m finding it hard not to think of all the worst possible what-ifs.

At about 6:00 in the evening, they had their Christmas parade and Amazon Prime was blasting the fuck out of its music. I could hear it loud and clear over the air cleaner and the fan as I was laying down. Why oh why are these delivery people allowed to do this??? Why don’t they get more complaints? It’s like they found the parade the perfect chance to get attention for themselves. Or maybe they did it because they were pissed that the parade was holding them up. I still don’t get why they’re not ordered to use headphones if they want to play music that loud. The delivery truck shouldn’t come with stereos that can play that loud, and they shouldn’t be allowed to take their own either. More and more people aren’t allowed to have their cell phones on the job so why can they go around blasting the shit out of people instead?

The honker and Kari have taken off somewhere. I don’t know if they’ve gone back up to Canada or maybe over to Texas where they seem to have relatives. All I know is that it’s been cold as fuck for Florida.

I still can’t figure out a certain someone on prosebox to save my life. I made a FO entry visible to just her, but she noticed and wouldn’t even click on the entry. After that, she made her stuff public and then deleted her account and created a new one because she “felt overwhelmed and wants to wrap things up for 2022.”

Why would you be so afraid of being added that you would dump your account? She definitely wants absolutely no connection to my account whatsoever. I still don’t know if she’s like this with everyone, or if it’s just me. She claims she’s mostly friends only but how are you friends only when you don’t talk to people?

I still don’t think she’s some kind of cop keeping tabs on me and hoping to get me somehow because it seems too elaborate of a profile. I would think the pigs would keep it simple and hide from my visitor log. But I still wonder if it’s someone I know. Maybe the same old fan fiction stuff is just a front. Again, though, it seems a bit elaborate. Why have anything at all appear on your account? And why keep deleting and creating accounts? I think she’s just not right in the head, whether I ever knew her or someone she’s connected to or not. There’s no rhyme or reason to the crazy. If you’re really as shy as you claim, why bother to share anything in the first place? Why not just have a single account that you always keep private?