A lady in the crowd
2022-12-18 04:09:20 (UTC)

Enough is Enough

"You have to talk to your mother because she's your mom." Family is everything, and blood is thicker than water. I've heard this my entire life, but my mother has been the cause of my childhood trauma. I don't hear many saying you owe nothing to your abuser, especially when they're supposed to be the ones who protect you.

Long story short, my mother was living in the United States illegally, and she fled to Mexico because she was tired of living in hiding. She left when I was five, and I grew up with my grandma, who raised me in America. I lived in a border town, so I visited her every weekend. Food was scarce at her house, and I was the only child who dreaded the weekends. I learned from a young age that I shouldn't talk to my dad because he wanted her to have an abortion. Then she dated a piece of shit who hit and cheated on her. She was infatuated with him and told my grandma and me that we were the reason she couldn't be happy.

We took a trip to Cancun this March, where all we did was fight. My grandma spoke with her yesterday and told her about an ovarian cyst that showed up on my pelvic ultrasound. She told her to check on me because I have a history of ovarian cancer. She called me today, and do you think she asked how I was doing? She brought up how I took her perfume in my luggage from our trip that was months ago. She was asking why I didn't want to visit...

I am tired of reopening old wounds because they'll never heal if I keep talking to her. I only speak to her because of my grandma. "She won't be here forever, so just talk to her okay?" I think it may be a relief the day she dies. Just like that, I deleted messenger, and I'm going to give myself space for some time. Simply talking to her on the phone is a reminder that she's never going to change. It brought up memories I hadn't thought of in a long time, like how she left me with a stranger outside a casino while she gambled. She never spoke softly; she always yelled with a hideous tone. She yelled at me the same while we were in Cancun. It's time to find my peace, and that might be a life without her.