Lilac lavendar2

public again

He said that he wouldn't say anything anymore about my diary if I put it back public. I honestly would say this all to him so I don't care so I didn't go back and delete anything, well sorry I called him a dick in a previous post, but I am dealing with all of these actual feelings now and they have me feeling like an insecure little 15 year old girl. picking a daisy does he love me, does he not???

The party last night was amazing, it was awesome seeing all of the same people that we have known for 10 years or more, him more. It was super fun, his employees seem like good guys. They love Mike there that is for sure, it was fun watching him in his element smoothing his way with the contractors. He was mentioned a couple of times last night, thanking him for all of his hard work.

After he dropped all the food off for me that he got today, he did give me a hug before he left, I wanted to cling on like a little spider monkey he looked so fucking good. Damn, he has lost a ton of weight, and he just looks sharp. Not that I ever thought he didn't look sharp, see when I look at Mike I see his whole soul, so he is just beautiful.

I had a thought about tying him up just so he couldn't go, I told him I had a bad thought, but at least I didn't act on it (always learning) he said I acted on it by saying it out loud, nope, I didn't tie him up that would be acting on it.

Anyways, I got a shit ton of food, the whole house to myself, Jelly Roll has been playing non stop, I absolutely love this man. He is doing or just did a sold out show and is donating all the money to a juvenile rehab type center that he used to be in and found his love of music. That is awesome!

I'm going to find some brain numbing show on netflix...and just chill