someoneprobablydelusionallol

Im exhausted

Dear fucking god. How. How she still can be better than me. How can she ruin his fucking life and still be better than me. How. No matter how much I try how much I change I’ll never be enough to make that mf happy. And as a kid I complained I have literally no friends ha goddamn I was so stupid back then, wish I could just come back to these times when everything was excellent. Now I only feel I’m letting everybody down, n. The most like we barely talk in rl and generally I feel like I’m so fucking boring to him it wasn’t like that a couple of months ago what the fuck is the matter with me? Why can’t I be myself why I’ve fallen into some sort of catatonic state where I barely recognize where am I and what I’m doing. My god how can I try for somebody I love asf but at the same time I’m sure they don’t feel the same and probably I’m just a placeholder bc I can’t believe anybody would like to “be with me” if they didn’t have to. I’m such a mess my god