Evolving marriage
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2022-12-16 18:12:00 (UTC)

Shot Down and F Her into Obliviion

Dear Diary,
So I found this channel in IG via Kelly Brogan. Its about Sex. About women being "F'd into obliviion by their men"

So I clicked, watched a few vids, had my curiosity.

I also listened to 2 of her Podcasts, about Should I stay or Should I go or what if my Partner is not at the same place as me, growing like me? That one I need to re listen too, lots to take in.

But I happen to agree with a lot of her videos after watching them. But also learning more too. And I wouldnt say I was this way until I went on hormones, like I awakened that part of me, It was there, but due to my relationship, My husband being more of an appeaser, passive, and me being the go getter, the assertive one since day 1 in our relationship, explains why that was so much of a problem watching and listening to this lady.

And why I desire so badly to be dominated, restrained, be submissive, because its my natural female energy, but Ive had to be more dominate to get what I want.

And when you just go on a tiny bit of Testosterone (Im on a cream) I should be applying so many clicks twice a day, but heck no! I do a half click once every 2 days or else IM a raging hardon! So to keep it moderate, Ive adapted to what works well for me, half click once every few days. A boost here and there if I want it. And all it really does is turn up my sexual desire/energy some. Its not that it isnt there, it is, it always has been, but as my Dr said "Im going to give you T to put a little gas in your tank" as it also contributes to more energy, helps with working out, etc.

So I came in this am to show hubby some of the video, and he said "OH so you want me to just grab you and take you to the bedroom?" I said "Sometimes?" I told him this is why I like it when we are making out on the couch and touchy feely and he takes me to the bedroom and bends me over the bed, Why I love it so much. Or in the shower, just come in there from behind with me bent over holding onto the shower wall to brace myself. There is this erotic energy in just being taken and pounded by your lover. I dont care how strong a woman is or her view on roles, etc. I think all women just need be fucked good and hard now and then. In my opinion that is.

There is something about just losing yourself, nothing in the world matters, your just floating in this space of bliss and pleasure, and I know what that feels like! She was talking about it in the videos and about women having multiple orgasms and that they are like a rolling sensation you go in and out of! OMGOSH Yes! That explains what has happened to me! My orgasms were never like that until this past yr. Its exactly how I have described them, and they feel different, the are continuous, like Im just kept in that state with these peaks and lows but its all blissful and it doesnt stop until Im literally ready to tap out or my husband is exhausted. I actually tapped out this past wk which is super rare. My body literally closed up, said NO MORE, I couldnt take it, its like it clenched shut. Ha, super duper rare for me, but we had been at it for almost an hour.

And how sex should leave you energized, hmmm thats another thing thats been big with me, Ive said often Im energized to go walk, workout or run after an orgasm. While my husband is passing out, Im all "Okay what can I do now!?" seeing that is a good thing that I feel that way. Its how it should be,,, so much other stuff said in the video.

But yeah, I was laying in bed with him this am and watching and was all snuggled up on his side, and then I was all hmmm, and started to caress him, he had been rubbing my back and I was super relaxed. Well I was everywhere, under his shirt, using my nails, down his chest, in his pants, over his thighs, pressure point touches on his muscles, and over his cock, then I was peering in, peeking at him, just getting a look, he wasnt responsive, then after I peeked in, he was. But he told me he was too tired, his muscles were too sore from the gym. Sighh, I still wasnt giving up, but alas, NADA and I gave up, he told me 'later on" and so I gave up and sighhhhh.

I said I hope Im in the same headspace later. I know by next wk he will be working remote again and not the daily freetime, but sex has become more of an evening event often these days (funny how he used to complain about that!)

Oh well, I got up begrudgingly and got dressed, went to the farmers market, got some raw milk, potatoes, and some homeade donuts to take care of my craving for something....

And here I am, lets hope for a sexy evening

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