Notes from my Black
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I didn’t need permission
If you or anyone you know doesn’t have depressive tendencies, yeah you. You know me maybe, and I do. I’m a three time survivor of suicide attempts. The particulars don’t really matter.
It was announced the “Twitch” died today by suicide. I didn’t know he had tendencies, but we weren’t friends and I don’t follow famous people, so I wouldn’t know necessarily. This kinda shakes me each time. He’s just one of so sooooo many.
I have always said doing this is a personal choice, and I still believe it. I also say that with the understanding that off’ing yourself leaves wake, regardless of your celebrity or friend circle. I have many friends who I know have tried, have “goals” or even make plans. Sometimes people make friends pacts. I never did. I’ve always been far too closed off and self sheltered. But, Twitch off’ing himself does somehow give permission to others. Permission I don’t need, bet then again, like I said, I’m just one of a large portion of society. You do know someone who has the leaning. Whether you know it or not, whether you’ve had the conversation or not… if it’s not me, it’s someone.
For my own reasons this time of year fucks with me. I can’t help but to feel my best life is behind me. Maybe that’s why I write. I want to give people a recurring way to deal with shit I never could deal with.