Life of secrets
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2022-12-13 21:13:55 (UTC)


Totally got my hopes up about that house. I was told today that there’s been 5 offers so far and they were doing more viewings today. My pendulum was saying we would get the house until this afternoon when it suddenly changed to a strong no. Now it’s maybe. I think there were more offers today and probably some higher than what we have put in. Ours was 330 and the asking price was 325. But some people will go as high as they can to get properties… so, I’ve taken my eggs out of that basket. Most of them, anyway.

My husband has seen a bungalow in a well-off area, which needs some work, but once done up, it would sell for a lot of money. Nice area too - and not so far away from family etc. I’m just not sure I want to live in a bungalow. I used to love them until I married him, lived in a room and it put me off ever living in a confined area again. I prefer an upstairs and downstairs. It feels more like a home.

But he is feels strongly about what he wants and thinks mostly about his needs. Selfish man.

I had a dream last night that I turned around in bed and R was there. He pulled me to cuddle with him and I remembered that I was mad at him for cutting me off, but at the same time, yearned for him to be in my life again. So we cuddled. And we talked. It wasn’t romantic. I can’t remember what we spoke about but it’s always the same dream. I keep dreaming that I am with him - the scenario is always different - and then we talk. I’m constantly talking to him in my dreams. I ask him why he left. Sometimes he is apologetic and wants me in his life again. Other times he’s nonchalant and it hurts. He was never hurtful in real life… but the dreams show that communication is needed. Sometimes I wonder if our higher selves (or souls… whatever you want to call it) meet when we are asleep. Although he works nights, so I’m not too sure about that.

We were extremely connected though. HE was definitely my soulmate. You know that connection when you’d think of someone and they would call? And we thought the same things all the time. He’d make me laugh until I wet myself. He’d make me smile. He still makes me smile! Just from the memories. In fact, i was lying in bed the other night remembering our jokes, and it made me giggle. I miss him so much. Yet I’m so stubborn, I won’t reach out. He should.

Sometimes I wonder, if he was to reach out and we fixed this misunderstanding, if I’d go back to how things were? I think I would. Unless it was more than a misunderstanding and something more sinister. I won’t know until he speaks.

I’ve totally gone off track… In other news, I am sick. I think. I suddenly developed a cough this afternoon. That’s all it is. It’s just in my chest. I did a covid test but that came out negative. Although it may be too soon to show. So I’ll see.

I’m just kind of glad this gives me an excuse not to go to church tomorrow….