Tati

12

i want to go home. i want to go to sleep. i don't want to come to school. i wish i didn't feel this way. i wish i didn't have to feel at all. none of this feels real and yet i feel trapped within my own negative emotions. i'm so tired of being pulled around, with no end to these feelings in sight. if this is what it means to live, what it costs, i don't think--
i'm sure it wouldn't be all that bad if i just didn't think but the only method i have of blocking my thoughts out is music and i can't always have my headphones on, sometimes even the music itself annoys me for no reason at all
--i can do this forever.

Today, I'm just going to be as useless as I feel.
Gonna go home and cut my nails down to the base, paint them over.
Vacuum the living room and my room.
Make my bed.
Get a water and go to sleep.

i will never be as tough as my sleep deprived brain makes me think