Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-12-10 12:47:38 (UTC)

am just so sad

I have to go to my parents this morning to do their laundry, Mike just asked me what my plans are for the day, by text of course, because he is at work. He was actually talking (texting to me about his personal problems, other than me) and there was one point where I guess he is completely right, it is all about me, because he text something about maybe riding with his guys to the Christmas party. They have it every year, well I'm not sure if we have went since 2020, but even though Mike didn't work there they still considered us family. All I saw in my mind was 'he isn't taking you?"

Not sure what I was expecting, but it felt like a kick in the gut. Everyone's asking me if Mike will be at Christmas, I honestly don't know, I am assuming not since he didn't come to Thanksgiving.

He doesn't know yet if he wants to take me, but if he does there will be no facebook posts or anything like that, he refuses to be fake. He loves me but still needs his space and we still have a long way to go. He is hopeful but not going to be fake. why do I want to fake like everything's perfect with us?

I don't think spending time with your wife (you are still here, we are still married) at a Christmas party is fake. It doesn't hurt your reputation to show up with a beautiful woman, who is charming as fuck and who your boss and old co-workers love and adore. So yeah, not sure what I was expecting, but I guess I was hoping to go. See I am still holding out for that Christmas miracle, and yeah they always hold the dinner at the Christmas town around here. I was trying to take Mike up there last weekend, but he didn't feel good. I did ask him on a date, I was going to surprise him, but anyways. Yeah, it's his favorite place in the world, reminds him of his mother (who he said I reminded him of her in so many ways) so yeah, I was going to take him walking through all the Christmas magic wonderland and we were going to magically fall back in love with each other.

which is silly, I keep saying fall back in love with each other, we are already in love with each other

There's just this whole other issue we have going on....trust. How does a person earn someone's trust again? Actions? what exactly do actions mean?

I get up every morning and just do what I am supposed to do, pray, meditate, clean up, work, on line support group, come home, go to bed and do it all over again the next day, I am living the dream

well got to go

also, need to learn to stop being so sensitive



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