kestrel

kestrel
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2022-12-08 17:44:03 (UTC)

AI Text Generator = Wacked

Personal entry follows.
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Woah. So I was introduced by a friend of mine to an AI text-generator website. Of course I wanted to give it a try myself, so I seeded it with a comment I'd made on a blog entry I'd recently read. I was curious to see where it would lead.

Seems like it went down quite the bumpy Internet rabbit-hole...! With every click of the "continue" button, things just morphed into something stranger and stranger. At the same time, I was impressed with the verisimilitude and believe-ability of the text being parsed together by a complex computer algorithm.

Anyhow... Would the average person know where my comment ended, and the AI-generated text began? I plan on tinkering with these kinds of tools more in the future. It certainly seems entertaining.

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I’m living in a rural area right now (as in, tenting 8 months of the year, gardening and chopping down trees and the like), and I’m always keeping my head on a swivel while doing manual labor and using power tools. Recently I nicked a fingertip with an angle grinder and before I could truly assess my condition I was asking myself, “What can be done here, now? I don’t have health insurance.” Even visiting the local clinic-hospital seemed completely out of the question.

Fortunately, this time it was just a very bleed-y wound. But I wonder what I’ll need to do if/when I lose a finger or something like that. My main concern seems to be staving-off infection from taking hold. It’s the silent killer, completely innocuous at its inception, and when left unaddressed can be lethal.

Please do what you can to keep infection out of your finger; apply pressure, do whatever you need to. I’ve since used bandages and alcohol pads to stop the bleeding, but I’m going to continue to protect that area to the best of my ability.

I had an odd experience with a needle, too. My roommate’s 19-year-old daughter was making fun of me for being stoned on weed, and told me to just kill myself before I get into more trouble.

I guess that’s supposed to be a “youth” thing, but I just said that I wanted to find the right way to work through my mental problems (which is all part of a lifelong mental illness, that I work at) rather than just kill myself. I guess she feels there’s no such thing as “the right way” for me to deal with my problems.

I just said that I wouldn’t jump off the bridge. I said that I’d just stay out here in the middle of the desert instead.

She stared at me and then said that she wasn’t trying to be mean or scare me, but she didn’t want to see me in the hospital. I told her not to worry, I’d deal with it.

Once again, I’m losing my patience with her condescension. She obviously doesn’t understand, and seems to believe that my way of dealing with mental illness is some kind of out-of-the-ordinary path.

She makes me feel like an alien for having this illness. She seems to think that because I suffer from mental illness, I’m different somehow. I suppose I should be grateful that she’s only sixteen, because at eighteen I’m not sure I could have put up with someone like that, even if it wasn’t my roommate’s daughter. She’s definitely the type to take it out on someone who can’t defend themselves.

I am just, beyond words, baffled. Am I just a defective human being, because I can’t just commit suicide? Is it a sign of weakness or something?

I can’t see any way to make this better, and I’m utterly frustrated with it.

At the same time, it’s totally unnerving to be in a state of sobriety with someone like this. She’s obviously mentally ill, and probably abused drugs before she was born. I suppose she was only a child once herself, but I suppose I can’t say anything. I can’t judge someone else.

I’ve gotten pretty good at telling someone that I understand how they feel, even if I’m not going through the same thing. But her level of self-loathing, self-hatred, and self-blame is so out-there that I’m speechless. I am such a fucking idiot.

She’s living in a state of constant panic and anxiety, and is completely dysfunctional emotionally. The thought of living with someone who experiences those kinds of thoughts (or at least some of them) is too much to handle. I feel that her head is going to literally explode.

She’s a complete sociopath who only cares about herself and nobody else. She’s probably already engaged in a suicide pact with some high-school idiot boyfriend. But if she gets off this last plateau and her brain explodes, it’s totally on me. I had no right to do what I did, but I can’t let it go, because she was just pointing out the truth of my life.

She told me I’m “lucky” to have an even less tolerable roommate, and that I should think twice about ever living with someone again.


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