Life of secrets
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2022-12-05 18:36:15 (UTC)


Oh I’m getting used to this diary. Before I know it, I’ll be updating 5 times a day. Especially since I have no friends to talk to anymore ! Or I have 1 friend but I’m limited in what Im allowed to talk about - ha ha ha, EYEROLL.

Ugh. Anyway. I’m going into the office tomorrow. Actually by choice this time. I’m quite looking forward to being out of the house. Even though I don’t really know anyone there and I’ll just be sitting on my own, in a different building, at a different desk.

We are seeing a house tomorrow evening. I don’t know what to expect.

I contacted my therapist yesterday after my one friend told me we won’t be talking as much until I’m over my infertility. I only have 1 session left and for once, I have a lot to say. In her email, she offered to give me the names of some TTC and fertility online groups. I told her I was part of one until I was the last one trying and I had to leave because I couldn’t cope with seeing all the positive tests anymore.

I really was the last one trying. A nice reminder that having unprotected sex for 2 years and never getting pregnant isn’t normal.

The psychics are saying I’ve conceived again this cycle - lol. I know I KNOW. I hold onto the hope and then cry and cry and cry when I’m hit with disappointment. What can I say? I clearly never learn. It shows in all my life’s choices.