Love, life and loss
2022-12-01 06:16:55 (UTC)


Yesterday we said goodbye to Erin forever
Slept like a bag of shit
Waking up crying and shaking then back to sleep for it to happen again
My brother surprised me and made yesterday feel a bit better but now fes fallen off face of earth and didnt even reply to me last night

Ryan's up for work like nothings happened
Yet I still feel like ive been hit by a bus over and over

It's almost been 3 weeks should i be over it now like him and his family?
Am I just being an idiot that csnt hold it together
I'm trying but I can't

Scared about my test results as I know my heart and lungs arnt right but I dont think i want to know the results and hope it all goes away

I booked a hotel near work for today as I thought I was back today and didnt want the long drive tonight and tomorrow
Ryan thought i was back today so hes made plans tonight
Not back till Monday
So dont know where ill be now
I hate being in this house by myself I'd rather be in travel lodge but being alone anywhere is hard
My thoughts and head get the better of me and sometimes it's hard not to act on what my head says and tells me to do

why does the day after the funeral feel as bad as the actual day

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