Pillar of Light

2022-11-29 23:17:57 (UTC)

Middle son threatened to kill me

My middle son is angry at me for making him see a counselor.

He hates it, and says it doesn’t help.
On the car ride home he started saying that I’m the one that makes him angry, that it’s all my fault and I’m a bad mother.
He was also cutting me off when I tried to speak and just being nasty to me.

I stopped the car and said fine I’m that bad, get out. He replied fine I’ll leave, but I’m going to sneak in the house at night and kill you.
I said, do you realize if I told anyone what you just said they’d have you admitted? He started to argue that No, the police would arrest me for being such a reckless mom for threatening to kick him out.

When he didn’t know what to say anymore he started talking nonsense, and I mean sentences that don’t make sense.
I yelled to him, don’t you realize that I’m responsible for getting you help?!!
Then I said something I probably shouldn’t have…
If you turn out to be a psycho killer or school shooter and I didn’t care enough to help you who’s fault would it be? He said “mine” as in himself. I said no, mine.

Then he said I’m the one that needs to see a therapist because I’m always getting mad so quickly. And he may not be wrong about that.

Now I’m worried that he took that conversation out of context. I don’t actually think he’s going to turn out a psycho. But I am worried about him, and anything is possible if a troubled kid with depression doesn’t get the right help. Now he probably hates me even more and thinks I see him badly.

It’s so hard and I get so confused with what to do and what I’m doing wrong.
He’s always been a super smart and super affectionate kid. I left my career for him, because he missed me too much and started acting out.
Now he’s acting out in all these weird ways. Being annoying and creepy in my face making weird sounds, fighting with his toddler sister as if he’s a baby, getting in trouble in school for dumb things he thinks are funny, all the sudden social anxiety and not liking his friends anymore. He’s 13 going on 14 soon. Something is not right.

A friend of mine suspects that he has adhd because she went through similar things with her son. I don’t want to rush into getting him assessed. They’ll probably just want to medicate him instead of helping the issues.

Deep breath. I got this. He’ll be ok.

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