A lifetime of pain and healing
My efforts have failed once ..
My efforts have failed once again. I go to work and pretend to be happy and have a bubbly personality which literally is the opposite of my true self because no one likes my actual personality. Found out tonight everyone at work talks about what a fuck up that I am and that no one wants to work with me.. I'm going to night shift starting Friday with a crew that especially doesn't want to work with me but because 2 of them got caught dating after telling everyone they weren't they are now being separated. I guess unlucky for them now that crew has to work with me. I don't know why it's so important for me to want to fit in and be apart of the team but I can say I definitely will not be joining any kind of holiday stuff with my coworkers. I doubt they want me there anyway. I know it's such a childish thing to worry about. I don't have any friends just a couple people that pretend I'd say. I figure mainly just to be nosey. So here I am at a new job thinking things were going great. I had high hopes and positive feelings and it was all pulled out from under me. Now I have to figure out how to continue going to work and putting on a fake face and pretending I don't know. The sad part is I haven't messed up anything that anyone else hasn't. All of them have made the same mistakes I did but somehow I'm shunned for it.