Love, life and loss
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2022-11-28 21:00:31 (UTC)


Erin sweetheart, if I dont make it on wednesday here's what I want to say to you and daddy or someone else will read this if I can't

My darling Erin, you came into our lives at a time we least expected but boy was I so excited. For the first time since your sister Isla gained her angel wings, you gave me hope for the future. You gave me something to look forward to and I was already looking forward to meeting you. You made me feel so sick and so exhausted but it was so worth it for you Erin.

I loved watching my tummy grow and change shape as you got bigger. I loved reading about how you were developing each week and feeling you wriggle! I was so excited when I felt you kick me for the first time. We loved seeing you at each and every scan, watching you roll around and avoid the scanner when they tried to scan your heart! We knew from that moment that you would be stubborn. I watch on repeat the scan video where you were blowing bubbles. It melts my heart every time. You really put a shine back into my life, happiness and a reason to be excited. You made me look after my own health so much better than usual because I was doing it for you. Everything I did was for you baby girl

Erin, we dared to believe that things would be different and we started to buy everything for you. Sadly all hope and dreams were shattered on 12th November 2022, a day we will never forget when we were told that your heart was so poorly it had stopped. Erin, my world fell apart as they told us there was nothing they could do. My darling, I'm sorry for not being able to save you. I'm sorry I couldnt bring you into the world alive. I'm sorry I cant bear to see all of your stuff right now and that it's all had to be shut away. It's not because I dont love you, it's because I love you so much it hurts. So badly.

After the devastating news I was induced and you were born around 14 hours later. Both the longest and shortest 14 hours of my life ever. We got to hold and cuddle you for a very short while, my teeny tiny 1lb 1oz baby girl. You were so tiny but so perfect. Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes and a cute little button nose. You were so tiny that even tiny baby clothes swamped you. My dinky little girl. I held you as long as I could before they whisked you away - I'll never forget that crushing feeling of seeing you disappear into the distance

My darling girl, I hope you are now with your sister and can look after one another. Mummy loves you always and not a day will go by without you being in my thoughts, and forever in my heart. Sweet dreams my darling, sleep tight xxx

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