Love, life and loss
2022-11-28 16:50:16 (UTC)


Laid in hospital all thanks to the GP
Knew I shouldn't have gone to the drs
I need to go home
I didnt realise that labour and all of this had caused so much damage to me I thought I was just heartbroken
I dont really care about it
But I need to get out of here
I dont want to be in here by myself
Such a lonely place
I cant even tell anyone
Everyone thinks I'm just at the hotel or sleeping and thats best so no one worries

At least it means Ryan can go and be with his family without having to think about me or

If I'm not out today or tomorrow I wont make Erin's funeral
Maybe thats best
But whats it mean for work thursday I have no idea

For now I'll carry on staring at 4 white walls
Just different white walls
By myself
Tears streaming down my face
Im just a number in here
A patient with a heart and lung problem
No acknowledgement of the enormity of what I feel emotionally right now
They probably think I'm crying because I'm in hospital
Probably dont realise it's because I have just lost the most precious thing in the world, my beautiful daughter and that I gave birth only 2 weeks ago
They probably don't realise that my world will crumble a little more on Wednesday and I just dont care about myself anymore
So tired. Physically and of life