well I just had to write one more entry to end on an even number, damn I write a lot.
I had a thought, but I lost it. Hate when that happens, which happens all the time anymore. 9 more days until my brain is supposed to be right. I hope so because right now it's a mess. I am just sitting here listening to our music and stupid sad love songs...but it's good I am releasing the tears, the pain and the hurt.
I caused this, he can't get past my deception, he says he can and that he did and that he forgives me...but yeah, he will actually never get over it
Just like all the time in the hospital, I didn't complain about the pain of anything they did to me, I did this, I caused this, I deserve everything that happens to me.
Everything that happens to me is because of choices I made, at the time I thought was the right choice for me. I see now that it wasn't but I was dumb
I just thought of something, remember when I said that I knew who all the dealers were at the hospital so I got good deals so I didn't bust them, well what if they sold to me to guarantee that I wouldn't bust them. I thought I had one on them and they had one on me. I don't know I remember when I was 11 my cousin was smoking a cigarette, she told me to try it so I did (because she was the cool one and I wanted her to like me) anyways as soon as I hit it she said "now you can't tell on me because you did it to. Makes sense I guess, who knows, who cares. I hope they are all out of that business now. I know the money is good, but trust me after 30 days in rehab, this shit is killing our kids...seriously
addiction is the devil