Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
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2022-11-27 01:40:45 (UTC)

how I feel right now

I feel like if Mike doesn't come home tonight then he made his choice. If you want to go to a party and drink (which he isn't a drinker that I know of) just stop drinking a couple of hours before you leave, I have never heard of a grown man spending the night some where if he drinks. What the fuck ever.

I am seriously over not knowing where the fuck I stand in this marriage. He clearly doesn't want me

he has showed me that time and time again. This man has been there for me for the last 10 years, every step of the way, every single time

but no more

he hasn't been there for me at all, he hasn't even once asked me anything about my 30 days in rehab, not once

he left the day I came home and went and stayed in some hotel, I needed him, he wasn't there

the whole incident with the cat

Let me explain:

when Mike was moving out, my daughter agreed to step up and pay 1/2 the rent, the only condition was her dog, a pit bull would be coming to live in the house. I have met the dog several times and he has always been a gentle soul. Mike doesn't like pit bulls at all, he had one and had a bad experience. Anyways, he moved out, the dog came to live. Mike also decided to move back home that day, he text that he made a mistake, so he was coming home. I was beyond thrilled. We had a birthday dinner with my sister and her family and my parents, then we went and got the dog. It started out fine, everyone was calm and friendly. Then for no reason, my beautiful baby boy cat spider monkey jumped on the pit bulls face, as a normal reaction the dog bit my baby boy. I was doing everything I could to save my baby boy, this was not supposed to happen

This was my worse nightmare ever, Mike was here but he was in his office with his headphones on so he didn't see or hear anything, until after we finally got it broke up and the dog the fuck out of here. I was trying to get Panther our from under the bed, he wouldn't come, not even for treats. I banged on the door and told Mike what happened. He moved the bed (why didn't I think of that) and got Panther out, he was bleeding to death. I was in pure panic mode, trying to google vets on a Sunday and trying to see my phone through all the tears, finally when I got ahold of someone I couldn't even talk, Mike had to take over.

Mike took him to the vet, he wouldn't let me go, not sure why I didn't insist. Why wasn't I there? Mike blames me, calls me a murderer. So the whole 'I made a mistake' is now changed. I brought a killer into this house and killed his son. When Mike text from the vet that it would be $2000 to stabilize him but not be able to save him, or $53 for pain meds and like it would be $300 something to put him down. I honestly thought Mike was lying, to teach me a lesson. Seriously I thought they could stitch him up, but he was crushed. Even when Mike text 'he is gone' I still thought he was playing a cruel lesson type joke. When he came home without Panther and I seen his face I knew he wasn't playing a cruel joke, I asked him for a hug....he turned around and said 'You don't deserve one"

Yeah I planned the murder of the one cat that loved me more than anything. I loved that cat so much, I thought about that cat the whole time in rehab. I mean I know I have 2 cats, but he was my heart. He was my little healer, always sitting on me purring, healing my soul. Yeah I killed him, I planned his murder so I could spend the rest of my life seeing the vision of his struggling for his life. I will forever wear the scars from trying to save him, which in hind sight was the stupidest fucking thing I could of done. My little dog came in and barked at the pit bull to stop, and that's when the pit bull released Panther and I was able to toss Reese in the bathroom and shut the door before the pit bull got him

It will go down in history as officially the worse day of my life...and the one person who I needed the most...wasn't there "i don't deserve one'

Yeah open your eyes Michele

he checked out a long time ago, you are holding on to nothing

there's nothing left at all

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