DanniCharlotte

Not sure how this works

I need somewhere to get my thoughts out of my head. Somewhere away from those that care so it doesnt burden others or encourage a reply. Somewhere just to offload at times when I cant cope

Erin my beautiful baby girl, you would have been 2 weeks old today. This time two weeks ago I was about 8cm dilated and I knew my world was about to fall apart as I prepared to push you into the world fast asleep. No words can ever describe that pain, wanting it all over with as soon as possible but wanting to not deliver you as I knew that was the start of the end. My darling Erin, I love you to the moon and back and I'm sorry I couldn't save you my precious girl. I'm sorry mummy gave you her heart condition and that you had to struggle in my tummy. I'll never forgive myself for that. I'm sorry for everything.

My darling Isla, I hope you and daddy will look after Erin and keep her safe in heaven. I hope you two girls are sharing the biggest of hugs.

I dont know how I'll ever go on in life I really dont. I feel so broken, so shattered, my heart physically hurts. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant stop crying, I have taken a couple of nasty falls with weakness and tiredness. I cant bear to do anything but I cant bear to sit down and do nothing. Scary terrifying thoughts cross my mind. How I long to be with you girls and hold your hands once again, to take you into my arms and give you a cuddle that only a mummy can give. Theres only one way to be with you both again