Pinwheels and Tangerines
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2022-11-25 04:14:17 (UTC)

Ass like that/superman- Eminem

Today started off a bit rocky. I still feel heaviness lingering but it’s manageable. I took a walk with Blanca and felt a little better but still all nervous debating to go or not. I guess I understand the histrionic a little bit bc I don’t interact w folks really unless it’s sexually related and it’s typically with men. It was very much apparent today haha. I did go to Cody’s because I am trying to push myself out my comfort zone a bit more socially. I didn't dress cute just black leggings and my fav retro sweater; did fancy my hair with loose curls and makeup but let me tell you how awkward it was… I didn’t talk much just sat and smiled on autopilot the entire time to the point of my cheeks hurting. I laughed at everything even when it wasn’t funny and when I had questions I just kept them to myself. Vanessa was playing nice and said I was pretty but would look at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. She would watch Cody too when I laughed at something he said. She's slim and tall about Cody's height, with wavy black hair to her shoulders, itty bitty titties and a decent arse, she smelt good like vanilla, has really big and wide dark brown eyes, and thin lips but was extra clingy on Cody (which I get) as if she was marking her territory. Cody loved the attention and was basking in her affection and I was like ok? Get a room lol. Thank God for grandpa Rowan and his sister Mary, her husband Danny and their two children Jordan (2) and Tyler (5). They were able to keep conversations going and turn the attention. We ate ham, corn, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and pozole. It was all yummy, I hated that Vanessa can cook haha. After dinner, I played with the kids a little, we rolled a ball back and forth and I chatted with Mary. You can tell she was an overworked mom and was glad to have someone help with Tyler while she handled Jordan’s temper tantrums. Toward the end of the night, I really got to talk one on with Grandpa Rowan…… He was the most interesting one there with stories of war and growing up on a farm. I totally had forgotten about everyone else. He ended up bringing out pictures and sharing things about his wife who passed years ago. Just a really sweet old man who lived a full life. Cody broke our conversation when he sat next to me slightly put his foot over mine and made some joke about Rowan trying to woo me over. But he jokingly replied ……"'we’re two single attractive people, grown, and what we do is our business" hahaha. I laughed but Cody didn’t think it was funny. His sister, bro in law and kids left and Cody asked if I wanted to take some food home. Vanessa was in the bathroom, and I followed him to the kitchen. I was fixing a plate and he smiled while rubbing my back. He asked if his grandpa stole me away from him, I laughed and said yeah, he’s got rizz lol but reminded him that I don’t belong to anyone. I wrapped my plate and handed him the plastic wrap, which he accepted but held onto my hand in exchange. Vanessa called for him from the other room, he let go and said we’ll talk. He walked past me and I tapped his ass, making him smile, I followed holding my plate which put Vanessa at ease once she saw it. I said my goodbyes, Rowan said I’m welcome to come anytime as his special guest. He enjoyed talking with me and so did I. I like older men, they're stable, mature, and intellectually stimulating.

The best part of my day was coming back to bed and melting into the mattress. When all muscles relax and your back cracks into place and can finally breathe take the biggest gulp of air and exhale in complete peace, safety, and comfort. My good (best?) friend and I talked a bit today (I'm glad he's feeling better) and I replayed the song he mentioned for a while.. Ass like that- Eminem got into the feel, sing along, laughed along then replayed my fav song from Eminem- Superman. I've just laid in bed envisioning if our talks were in person. I'd like to keep those thoughts happy. Thoughts and reality are two different things. Reality is scary, the unknown is scary. Connecting online is one thing but in person would it be the same? Better? Worse? Now these songs will be tied to him forever haha.