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Dailylog2022
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2022-11-24 07:20:04 (UTC)

Riding it out my way....day one

*listening to: Three Days Grace - Pain

The ride home from the hospital was slower and being home was the same. Took smaller steps...he had been getting things ready and it was clean....he shampooed the carpet in my room...and the way he folded my clothes, towels and things was like being in a high class hotel. . . he went shopping for the type of food i can eat making sure on the home end, I had everything I needed to be comfortable....and begin the recoup part of this ordeal.

Making me very thankful...indeed. Lots of changes coming...for real this time...changes that I will be making...
to improve our relationship and life together...the being bitter all the time is over now.

AM. Waking up to start my coffee...take medication and start my day...

First thing I wanted to do is light one up....but remembering all the work it took to get that small out of here...and smelling the freshness...stopped me. I waited my urge out for a while to rethink...my steps this morning....

I first went a head and listened to X22report - 2933b with my I pods......while I took care of a few little things...
am things like skincare...hanging up my gowns he had folded....etc...not much though....still taking baby steps...

This report left me feeling more hopeful that someone had taken the reign to this USA madness and soon, things will start to happen that hopefully will wake up the deranged, brainwashed....and give hope to anyone who has needed it.

when the report ended leaving me in silence....I was hungry for some music....and searched the net for ways to listen to it while I work on my stuff....as everyone is asleep...do not want to disturb them....just wanted a distraction from not being 100% today. First thing I found was Pandora. So, I created an account. First thing that I saw that I love so much is Three Days Grace...and listend to several of their best recordings...vowing to print out the words so when I listen to my favorties, I actually can sing in my head...or silently to enjoy it better. The BASS on their stuff has always made me wish I had taken lessons to learn that Bass guitar....this was my very special time in this morning spending time with music...helpin me wait through the pain....to a level that needs to medication. I hate pain meds.

I did however take a whole pill for pain last night....and that affect proved to me that the pills are crazy shit...that I will try it my way to deal with...and if only I need one to help me out a bit...it will not be a whole one.......

and to prove just how it helped....listening to PAIN ( 3 Days Grace ) sitting on the toilet trying to pee....to relieve a pressure that I thought may be causeing a level 4 pain.....realizing it did not. I just focused in on the words.....the bass....and how easily that seems to be able to play.....in my mind....focusing on it 70% to ease out the pain....and guess what.....after peeing....just a little....the pain subsided....and I was back up....to continue my day......or morning.

Thankful to finally have my Ipods hooked up to Pandora....and how just by the Grace of God...I am listening to some of my favorite...songs....just as if God himself set it up for me.....and for that I am thankful. I can hear the words clearly....with the Ipods...and music is my friend....holding my hand this morning.

It is a very emotional experience....to feel this way as I feel a good bit of bitterness leave me forever as I am feeling differently about many things I was angry about...and bitter about.....so, here I sit living my life my way.....just like many of you do every day. I realize that I have been wrong about a lot of things...and fear is no more.....bitterness will kill you....so now....we try this life thing a new way.....

I am very thankful.....for this. It is like all those prayers everyone were praying woke up God...and he set up my own team of Angels to Watch over me....to fight off this mess....inside of me...and I am not referring to the pain right now....but the sadness...the feeling beat up inside...living my life with a mask on of being okay when really, my heart has been breaking for years....and now it is healing.....

God , thank you for my team of Angels....the ones I sing about on Sound Cloud....a song called SATAN....where the chorus lets the devil know that my Angels are watching over me......and buddy...they are doing that this morning....this is a real thing we got there....know it.

Until today, I did not really believe that it was 100% true....but this morning, I do believe.....and thankful....to be able to feel the hugs and love from all of you....and anyone else who took the time....to pray fo rme..this week,,,,

I did let my stubbornness almost kill me....I sat here so long...before going to the ER....I was almost too late to be saved...while I was up there....my son, my husband....both stepped up at home...to take care....and let me feel very cared for.

My daughter fighting her own battle as well...stayed strong so we could have that "talk" we had yesterday....all caught up on what is going on....mistakes made...and how to fix things with everything....and doing it a new way......

I see now, that those granddaughters are all part of that age group who have been brainwashed....they won't accept any other position about politics or world issues....it is their way or YOU are the enemy. Okay. I get it. They remind me of one of my very good friends I lost forever when TRUMP was elected. She hates the ground I walk on...for supporting him...even with all that has been happening since he lost to Biden....she still does not get it....but...she really knew me....how could she turn away, walk away from our friendship...only because of politics? Well, I realize now that I played a part in her feelings toward me. I was fighting my own battles...at the time.....although I tried to be there for her when she needed me....just being away from the house brought out the demons....and no, I was not a very good fiend.
Sorry bout that. But, things like this...I will not let overcome my progress. I can learn from people's short comings...as a by stander, but the hardest lesson, I learn from my own. I get it.

With those girls, ( granddaughters ) they do not really know me. when they come here....and I sat this place up just for them...to have that pool to swim in....taking them to near by parks.....etc....I was just being a baby sitter to them....and not much of their time here was about me, it was about them....

As they grew older....being brainwashed in school and society or howevery it happend....all that will put a wedge up between people...to end that getting to know part....and things we do to make them happy....becomes an expected part of their life....I am like that grandmother they never see...but sends nice presents.

*Nickaleback "if today was your last day....."

Anyway...with them, somewhere along the way....the family connection was lost...we instead of being parents, grandparent to lead by example...we were the ones sending the nice things.....we dropped the ball. So, the brainwashing was fed by our own actions. We may be able to heal this mistake. It will take time But turning on them, walking way is never an option....as this is not like old friends you never hear from....these are are kids....

however....all of us...me, the guys here and her, my daughter...all are entering a time in life where we all see the mistakes and will begin trying to live our lives closer, instead of apart....even though my son is making plans on moving out on his own...and my daughter may be moving in....we will still all be seeing one another in a new light....and we will lead my example....instead of being hurt, feeling sorry for ourselves or pissed off. A new way....

I am thankful for all this....and I pray for all of you that you too will reach deep inside and grab something from what you feel needs to be polished off and set back out to enjoy....

me = music....

we need to be who we are and let other be who they are. If we do this correctly, by doing so, people will really know us...instead of making assumptons they know us. There is way more to all us that we lead on too....this may not make sense right now...but give it some thought.....

Hug your loved ones a little harder today......enjoy being who you are....making no excused for it.....

*Daughtry - "it's not over...

Later....
love you all very much



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