Notes from my Black
It’s my 3am reasoning… pumpkins are imperfect and lumpy. Sometimes they have big blemishes but they are full of important things.
These are my friends. Pumpkins if you will. Some come around seasonally or out of the blue. Some stick with me and encourage me in ways that surprise me. All support me in their own ways, even when they are critical of me. I have needed all that this past year, and I am grateful. Thank you.
40% of me is so disheartened by my book sales. I have already drafted a letter of dissolution for the business. It turns out I am not much of a marketer. I am socially a bit awkward and had faith in it when I should have maybe had a bit less.
Nevertheless, I met my initial goal. I wrote a book. Actually I wrote 7 and published one. I am proud of this accomplishment, but it turns out it’s kind of a money pit. I put in a great deal of effort for sales this month. They just aren’t panning out. It saddens me, but this will just push me to accomplish something else that maybe I can succeed in. I knew nothing of the business and after two years, I still know a fraction of what I would need to succeed. My worst fear actually came true. I have a basement with a pile of books… there will be some really happy charities and clubs I suppose. These books represent a lot to me and that representation is not all good. I don’t begrudge me this failure, but I also don’t want to have it stare at me.
The end of the year will tell me what I need to know.
I am also thankful to Her. I piss and moan a lot about her I know. It was pointed out to me recently that I don’t actually acknowledge the good sides. Well, this is my safe place to be raw and vent and be butt hurt about stuff if I need to be. She has been supportive of this book in many ways. In other ways not at all. She bought a small number of books to support with the idea of distributing them to schools here. She kept them all. She even had me print extra kinda expensive posters to give with each book. That, it turns out, was a waste of money too.
Anyway, be well all. I hope you find some thanks to give too.
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